The Importance of Self-Love: Because LOVE MONTH is About YOU Too

The Importance of Self-Love: Because LOVE MONTH is About YOU Too

by | Feb 15, 2021

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

-Brene Brown

 

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? I have continued to see this more and more in my journey as a wife, mother, and entrepreneur. And, if I am completely honest, at times I was guilty of playing the “martyr card.” I wore it as a badge of honor every time I gave up what I needed in order to make sure someone else had what they needed. 

But at the start of 2020, I decided that that was no longer a badge I wanted to wear. 

These feelings of running on empty prompted me to change my mindset and my routine well before COVID and remote learning happened. 

And despite everything that happened in 2020, do you know what I found? I found freedom, fulfillment, and rhythms that made me BETTER in all the areas of my life. 

We CAN CHOOSE to FILL OUR TANKS. It’s NOT SELFISH and it’s NOT WRONG. It’s a necessity. So, if you are looking for freedom, fulfillment, and a fresh perspective, you’ve got to start with YOU!

 

Loving Yourself Starts with Knowing Yourself

Self-awareness is defined as having a clear perception of your personality–your strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivations, and emotions. 

When we see ourselves clearly, we become more confident, we make better decisions, we are better able to maintain healthy relationships, and we can communicate more effectively. When we know who we are, we can confidently be who we are instead of spending time trying to be who others think we should be. And most importantly, when we know who we are, it is much easier to know what we need to be happy. 

We need to acknowledge that who we are and what we need may change over time. Who I was ten years ago at 28 is not the same person I am now at 38. 

So, if it’s been a while since you really took a moment to think about who you are, what you want, and what you need to thrive, you’re going to need to ask yourself, “Who am I TODAY?”

 

Self-Awareness Leads to Self-Love

So what’s the difference between self-awareness and self-love? If self-awareness is knowing who you are and what your needs are, then self-love is a regard for your own happiness.

According to Andrea Brandt, PHD, MFT “Self-love means giving yourself what your body, brain, and soul needs for the marathon that is life. It isn’t…chasing a physical or emotional high. The practice of self-love is the practice of nourishing yourself.”

I bet if I asked you what your kids, your spouse, your mother, or your friend needed to feel love, you’d have a specific answer. What I was surprised to find last year was that I didn’t have a list of answers for myself. I never took the time to think about myself in that way. I often worried too much about what other people needed, ignoring my own. Can you relate? If you came up with a list, what would it look like?

 

How did I learn how to move towards more-self care?

At the beginning of 2020, this is how I decided to give my body, my brain, and my soul what it needed for the marathon of life.  And, a lot of what I found had to do with intentionally changing my habits and shifting my mindset.

I realized that in order to fill the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be, I was going to need to re-assess and make some changes. I took a long hard look at how I was feeling. I made a list of what I felt was missing, what I wanted to accomplish, and what no longer served me.

Doing that helped me to realize that I needed to do two things:

1. Rethink expectations–the ones people had for me, and the ones I had for myself  and,

2. Set some boundaries.

Expectations were causing me a great deal of fatigue. Both the expectations I had for myself and the expectations that others had for me left me feeling depleted. I found that I was very rarely leaving any room for “being” because I was always “doing”. And much of that was my own fault. 

As an Enneagram 2 (we will talk more about the Enneagram and what it is in Season 3: Episode 7), I realized that I was always overextending myself. In my general disposition of being helpful, nurturing, and caring towards others, I rarely said no when they asked me for help. Heck, I’d even offer to overextend myself because I often felt the need to prove my value or worth because of my own insecurities.

While we can rarely change what other people think or expect of us, by noticing our own expectations, we can keep those that are necessary while making changes to those that do not serve us. When I became conscious of my own expectations, I intentionally made a decision to set boundaries that would allow me the time and space to focus on my own physical, mental, and emotional needs as well as my goals for my family and my business.

While the word “boundaries” may sound scary, they are like  little invisible fences that protect us from excess. Many of us are pushed and pulled in so many directions that are days become a whirlwind of too many things and too many decisions. Boundaries are important because they stop us from saying yes when you’d rather say no. They allow you to focus on the important things without getting distracted by the other things. Boundaries help keep us on track.

 

So, what does this look like?

Make time for yourself. Although being home right now has so many advantages, it leaves little room to clear our minds and be alone. We need to intentionally carve out time and space to rest and recharge! Maybe it’s only an hour. And maybe it’s on the floor of your bedroom closet with a glass of wine and a snickers bar .Tell your spouse what you need. Hand your kids a screen. There’s no judgement here. Do what you gotta do.  

Make healthy choices. We all thrive when we get adequate rest, move our bodies, and eat right. But it’s hard. Anyone find that they are staying up too late? Sleeping in? What about your body? What are you doing to stay active? And what about food? Are we eating all the things…in moderation? If you can’t keep yourself accountable, then find someone you trust that will.

Stick to a routine. Are you adhering to normal routines and schedules? Sticking to your regular routines and rhythms may help you feel better, and fuel your mind and body for taking on the challenges of life.

Be realistic. I run a pretty tight ship at my house. I like things clean and in order. I like to control and manage schedules and routines so that everyone is thriving. But really, under the current circumstances, none of this is realistic. My house isn’t going to be neat, clean and in order (like it is when my precious bebes are gone at school all day). My kids aren’t always going to be happy or on task, and frankly, neither am I. Our mantra around here lately is that everyone needs to “do their best.”  And, on the days when our best just isn’t good enough? Well, then we ALL need to give ourselves some grace. We need to acknowledge our shortcomings and try to do better next time. 

Do things you enjoy. When was the last time you took the time to do something you enjoy? And I’m not talking about your 7:00 glass of wine. When was the last time you read a book or sang karaoke? Maybe it’s been a LONG while. Maybe it’s been so long you can’t even remember what you like to do, or what you used to do before kids. Carpe Diem! Seize the day and try going back to old hobbies or starting new ones. Find an outlet and let loose.

 

Why is any of this important?

Here’s the real reason we need to take care of ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves so that we are able to help take care of others. Because life isn’t just about us. When we are fueled, fed, fulfilled and healthy, it makes it so much easier to care for others and to help cultivate a community and a world that is better because of you. When we fill our tank, we have more joy, more energy, more strength, and more life to give. When you care for yourself, it’s not just about you. When your cup is full, you’ll have enough to pour out into the people and to the places around you.

Permission.

For me, you know what this all boiled down to? Permission. Giving myself the permission to do what I needed to do, for me. For a long time, I was either waiting for someone else to give me permission, or I was letting the expectations others placed on me determine who I needed to be.

So, in case you’re like me, here it is. Here’s me giving YOU the permission to say what you need and to do what you need to do – to be the best version of you.

 

Why We Went Dry This January

Why We Went Dry This January

by | Feb 1, 2021

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning, that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.”

-Frank Sinatra

When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year… where do you turn?

For much of 2020, a lot of us joked that “any time was a good time for a drink.” It was 5 o’clock somewhere, right? COVID-19, sheltering in place, kids at home remote learning, and all the rest had many of us more worried about stocking up on our White Claw than on toilet paper.

I had three kids e-learning at home, an almost two year old who had for some unexplainable reason given up taking a nap, a husband working from home, and the business I had worked hard to build suddenly started deflating like a sad little mylar balloon. There was nowhere to go, nothing to do and there were no rules on how to handle it all. So, I did what I have always done, put on my invisible Super Mom cape, smiled, and made the best of what I was given. But it was hard.

At some point, as the weather got warmer, Jordan and I instituted 5 o’clock happy hours while the kids played outside and we sat on the deck and commiserated, dreamed, and wished away the current situation. Never drinking to excess, but just enough to maybe numb the reality of what we were living. It felt like our five o’clock happy hour was the prize for crossing the finish line of each day. 

New Normal, On the Rocks

The more I talked with others, it wasn’t hard to see that it was the new normal for everyone. Meeting on FaceTime or Zoom to chat with friends was always accompanied with a glass of wine. Sitting across the driveway from neighbors in the summer meant we were doing so with a White Claw in hand. 

So, why had it  become the new normal? One word, accessibility. Alcohol is everywhere you look. It’s in advertisements, movies and tv shows, bars and restaurants, at parties, concerts, work events, and even movie theatres. People drink at home, on weekends, in the evenings after work, at bbqs, celebrations, and at a variety of other places, and for a variety of other reasons.  New car? Cheers! Watching Bridgerton? Clink! Talking with a friend? Sip! 

Just like anything else, having a drink isn’t bad in and of itself. It’s not illegal to drink, to celebrate, to sip, or to enjoy.  But sometimes we have to stop and reassess.

We Reassessed. Then Decided to Try Dry.

One of our New Year’s resolutions that we discussed in Season 2: Episode 12 was that Jordan and I wanted to engage in some friendly 30-day challenges that would help us be more in tune with our habits – the ones we need to strengthen and the ones we needed to break. And doing it together would play into our friendly, yet competitive edge.

If you’re asking why we would choose to face the world without a sip of wine, beer or spirits for a month, (especially during the coldest, darkest, dreariest time of the year) there were some compelling reasons we started with Dry January. 

Although we both wanted to engage in this challenge, we had different motives. Jordan wanted to see how he felt if he cut it out of his routine. He hadn’t been sleeping great (or had been falling asleep too much) and wanted to see if by cutting out alcohol, what impact, if any, it would have. And, because he’s an overachiever, he also cut out sweets for 30 days as well as caffeine/coffee after lunch time. I on the other hand didn’t feel the need to cut out all three. (You can read about his thinking here in The Joy of the Experiment).

For me, it was more about NOT using alcohol as an excuse for when things got hard, or as a reward to celebrate the good.  Because whether I had a good day or a hard one, there was always a reason to pour a glass. Hard day being a mom? Celebrate booking another wedding client? Cheers. It was too automatic. It became a habit. 

Habits are powerful. They can emerge with/without our consciousness. And that’s actually a scary thought. But, as James Clear taught me in his book Atomic Habits, the good news is that habits can be ignored, changed, or replaced. 

When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. Simply understanding how habits work makes them much easier to control. By learning to observe the cues and rewards, we can change the routines.

So, here I am 30 days in, and one left to go (but who’s counting!?), and here is what I have found: 

  • Shifting off Auto-Pilot. Having a glass of wine with dinner, or a drink while I cooked dinner had become a habit – part of my routine. It was just what I had done because it was what I had been doing. Had I not made a decision not to, I would have just continued. And that is true with many things. Sometimes automating habits and routines are good. I have a great morning routine that is automatic. But what happens when we automate habits that aren’t good for us?

  • Making a Commitment. Making a commitment to something is valuable. The commitment doesn’t end with the decision, it starts with the decision. When you are committed to something you begin to find the beauty in the journey, even if it’s not right away. Were there points when we could have made an excuse and indulged? Of course. We went to dinner (in an outdoor igloo in January…brr!) to celebrate Jordan’s birthday and it would have been nice to have a glass of wine with my meal. But, you know what? We enjoyed dinner without it.

  • Seeking Healthier Alternatives. Sometimes ending one habit makes room for adding another. I’ve found myself taking time to sit in the quiet with a cup of tea each afternoon to refresh me and sustain me during the witching hours and madness that occurs from 4-9pm. And to add some more zen, I’ve found myself taking PM yoga classes at the gym or doing one at home in the evening. Even fresh air – albeit freezing cold fresh air – while walking Stella helps ease the tension and stress of the day and (bonus!) helps me with my daily movement goals. 

  • Moving Out of Comfort Zones. There are times when you may think that the challenges of fulfilling your commitments aren’t worth the hassle or the effort that is required. But we must remember that growth requires moving outside our comfort zones. It’s easy to grab a drink, but it takes more intention to be mindful about your behaviors, feelings, and actions. It requires work and effort, at least at first. 

  • Having Accountability. Having Jordan do it with me and holding me accountable has been great. I am pretty sure without him, I might have just said, “oh screw it!” It’s good to have a partner to check in on you, ask you how you’re doing, give you a pep talk, or even commiserate as needed. 

I’ll leave you with this today. You don’t have to have a “problem” with something to make an intentional and impactful change to your health, wellness, or well-being. 

What would it look like in your life if you were mindful about some of your habits, thought patterns, defaults, and routines? Can you think of any that might need to be tweaked or that might help you find better clarity, understanding, peace, or just feel better? What practices can you add? Which ones should you take away, even just for 30 days? After all, It’s just 30 days. 

Here’s a list of some ideas for 2021:

  • 30 days of yoga
  • 30 days of Whole 30
  • 30 days of green smoothies
  • 30 days of clearing clutter
  • 30 days of meditations
  • 30 days of creating
  • 30 days of exercise
  • 30 days of promoting your business
  • 30 days of riding your bike to work
  • 30 days of no sugar
  • 30 days of family dinners
  • 30 days of running/walking
  • 30 days of reading
  • 30 days of spring cleaning
  • 30 days of 10,000 steps
  • 30 days of no soda (or is it pop?)
  • 30 days of no shopping
  • 30 days of writing
  • 30 days of no caffeine
  • 30 days of drinking a gallon of water
  • 30 days of gratitude
  • 30 days of journaling
  • 30 days of random acts of kindness
  • 30 days of no social media
  • 30 days of no tv

Let us know which experiments YOU are trying! Leave a comment below and tell us how it’s going and what you’ve learned. 

Parenting During a Time of Political Unrest

Parenting During a Time of Political Unrest

by | Jan 19, 2021

In parenting, I am often faced with this contradiction of wanting our kids to grow up while simultaneously wanting to keep them little forever. As new parents, we can’t wait (and sometimes want to rush) milestones – sitting up, crawling, walking, solid foods, and so on. 

But we especially relish opportunities for our children’s increased independence, it’s other things, like playing out of our sight and even sending them to school. Why? Because the days are long, and so we are often looking for a little relief from the heavy lifting of child-rearing and the dependence our kids have on us. We think it’ll get easier, and the truth is that we trade one kind of hard for another. That truth really set in this past year.

I miss the days when they were all young enough to not know or understand the strife, fear, and hostility of the world outside our home. Gone are the days that I can completely shelter my kids from what is really going on in the world.

Parenting during a pandemic sure has had its ups and downs. But, one of the most eye-opening parenting experiences during all of this has been navigating the political climate this past year.

We realized this back in May after the death of George Flyod and previously Breonna Taylor. When people around the nation, and even in our local community, decided to peacefully protest, we decided to move beyond the season of parenting that “ear-muffed” or watered down the hard topics.

Conversations of race, privilege, protests, and injustice were topics we HAD to broach with our kids. Although sweet little Roman who is only two is still blissfully ignorant to the outside world, we had our big three to think about. And, during this time, we HAD to step up and really engage.

I’ll admit, it was scary. Unchartered territory for us in our parenting journey. So we did our very best to talk to our kids by giving them brief, child-appropriate conversations and explanations of what had happened and what was going on. We shared our feelings, beliefs, and values with them, as openly and honestly as we knew how. We made an attempt to shift from sheltered parenting to proactive parenting. We intentionally created a space for questions, concerns, fears, and feelings. And, while we hadn’t solved all the problems of the world, we continued to reassure our children that everything would be ok as we empowered them with the truth of one of their favorite books, The Lorax: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Watching our kids process this wasn’t easy. Especially when as a parent, you don’t have all the answers.

Fast forward a couple more months and we found ourselves in the same position again with the 46th Presidential Election. This wasn’t something we could ignore or brush past. We HAD to engage. It became pretty evident that even if we didn’t openly discuss with our children who we were voting for and why, the rest of the world wasn’t holding back.

I was thankful for our oldests’ teacher who did a phenomenal job educating her fifth grade class about the branches of government, the job of the Electoral College, the importance of democracy and voting, and some other really great knowledge on our government and democracy. I mean, seriously, our little brainiac definitely knew more than me. Am I smarter than a 5th grader? Probably not! He even got a chance to participate in a mock election in his class and across the entire fifth grade based on information provided on each candidate.

We were chatting about all of this during our family dinner time, and then things got tense. In talking about his mock elections, and which candidate won amongst his grade, and who he voted for, he asked us who we were voting for. When our son realized that he voted for someone different from us, HE LOST IT. Full blown melt-down. It took some time, but we got to the heart of the matter. He thought he messed it up. He thought he did it wrong. He thought we’d be disappointed in him. He thought he let us down.

It forced another real, child-appropriate conversation with some great takeaways:

  1.   People Can Disagree

We don’t have to agree on everything to be friends. Just because we disagree, doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t love you. If you like broccoli, but your friend doesn’t, that doesn’t mean that you have to stop liking broccoli or stop being friends.

  1.   Put Yourself In Someone Else’s Shoes

One of my favorite books from when I taught High School English was To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus Finch’s most iconic statements, “You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them” still rings true. Can we challenge our kids to consider someone else’s ideas, feelings, situation, even if it is different than ours? Only then will we teach our children compassion, understanding, and humility.

  1.   Don’t Shout

Learning to stay calm despite strong feelings is an important skill. Teaching our kids to communicate in a productive way that can avoid triggering more negativity and hostility in others is important. See a post you don’t agree with online, try scrolling past it. And realizing that shouting or shaming others does not help change anyone’s mind.

  1.   Be the Change

We are never too young to get into the arena. Kids need to be taught that they are not powerless to effect change. Ask your kids, “What can we do?” We have the ability to model what to do, and can do it together as a family. 

  1.   Teach Kids How to Search for the Truth

Where are kids getting their information from? From peers? Adults? The news? Do they know how to consider bias? Are they just blindly accepting what they hear from others? It’s our job to show them how to find the truth and the answers they are looking for to be accurately informed and to make good judgements.

So here we are, the day after a day of remembrance for Martin Luther King, Jr., and  on the eve of the Inauguration of the 46th President of the United States. There will undoubtedly be more questions, more conversations, and more teachable moments about history, democracy, and government — among other things.

Life is hard. So is growing up. We forget that. Let us remember our kids today. This last year for them has been hard. Lots of change, lots of restrictions, and lots of emotions. Harder still for the ones that understand what they are missing, what they are fearing, and how they are feeling. Love them a little harder today, hold them a little closer, model for them what a good citizen, friend, and neighbor looks like, and remind them to be the change they want to see.

And if your littles ones are in fact still too little to understand – tell them anyway!

 

 

Auld Lang Syne: Rosanna’s Goals for 2021

Auld Lang Syne: Rosanna’s Goals for 2021

by | Dec 29, 2020

Download THIS GUIDE to help you listen to Season 2, Episode 12: “Hello 2021” and organize YOUR ideas for the upcoming year.

GET THE GUIDE

Hello 2021!

New Year’s (the holiday) can be hard for a lot of people because the calendar dictates it a natural time to reflect on our recent past, and we don’t always want or need reminders of that, especially if it’s been a hard year. New Year’s is a heart-sensitive time, and one not many of us talk about.

So, if 2020 was hard and you didn’t achieve your goals, you don’t feel like you’re thriving, and you are just barely hanging on: It’s OK! Be proud that you made it. Sometimes just surviving is enough. 2020 was laced with having to be reactive to the world around us. But now, knowing that 2021 won’t be what we are quite used to means we can take a proactive approach.

BUT, in an effort to put the past behind us, whether 2020 was one of your best (as for some it may just have been) or your worst (thanks Corona!) there’s really only one way to intentionally move FORWARD. Setting goals means that you are intentionally choosing your direction. Goal setting is a powerful process because it helps you CHOOSE where you want to go. It can help you simplify your life, focus your time, and grow.

In preparing for 2021, I was reminded of our Season 2: Episode 10 podcast interview with Jason Waller regarding resiliency. His insight on

  1. Focusing on what we can control and letting go of what we can’t
  2. Having gratitude for what we do have to ground us and give us perspective
  3. Finding solutions to move forward

 

can help all of us to bend, but not break.

We can’t just flippantly turn the page to a new month or a new year. Shifting from surviving to thriving in 2021 will require – you guessed it – one of our very favorite words here on the Relentless Pursuit Podcast: intentionality.

The life we want won’t just happen.  We need a purpose, a plan, and some accountability if we want to cultivate our days to create the life we say we want.

So, as you prepare for the new year, carve out some time to sit and reflect. Take stock of what worked and what didn’t. Think about where you are and where you want to be. And then make a plan, a challenge, a goal, a resolution to move forward. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. But here are few examples to help you get started.

Check out the Relentless Pursuit’s guide to Season 2, Episode 12 HERE!

 

  1. Think BIG picture. Let these questions guide you. What do you want this year to look like? How do you want your year to feel? Who do you want to be once 2021 is over?
  2. Let a word help define your focus. Discover the “one word” concept that motivational speaker, Jon Gordon made popular. Instead of focusing on multiple things, the idea is to focus your time, energy and headspace on one thing. Before you start your day, a conversation, or even a workout, learn to check-in with my mental attitude. How is it showing up in my words and actions?
  3. Try creating a personal mission statement or family mission to guide your actions, attitudes, and beliefs.
  4. Break your big picture goals or personal/family mission statements in to smaller targets.
  5. Commit to small challenges that allow you to form healthy habits.

 

In an effort to model for you how we do this, here are a few of the ways I am going to intentionally move FORWARD in 2021. Although this isn’t an entire list, and even though I don’t have all the details 100% nailed down yet, you can see where I am headed. I’ll have these goals and resolutions here to look back on and help me accountable all year long.

My favorite part about this list is that most were inspired by our topics and conversations this year during Seasons 1 & 2 of the Relentless Pursuit Podcast. So, maybe that could work for you too! Go back through this year’s 24 episodes and see if any of the topics or challenges are ones that you could let guide you in to the new year.

Here’s a few for you to consider:

 

In 2020, I looked at some big picture goals and values that helped guide who I said I wanted to be. In 2021, I am focusing on smaller goals and targets to allow me to be, say, and do what I said I wanted.

 

Rosanna’s List for 2021

 

Word of the Year: ENGAGED.

I am choosing to be all in. No matter where this year leads me, wherever I am, I need to be all there. No more distractions, no more wishing I was somewhere else. I want to focus my time and my attention on what is in front of me. From people and relationships to my business or my daily chores around the house. I have no idea what 2021 will bring, but no matter what it does, being engaged with what is in front of me will no doubt be important.

 

GOAL 1: LIMITING/ELIMINATING SCREEN TIME/PHONE USE. Here I am publically acknowledging that I am on my phone too much. It’s a problem. An obsession. A mindless one at that. I am constantly on it. It’s in my hand, and I am not engaged with what is in front of me. I want to commit to spending less time scrolling through my phone, wasting time because I realize that it is not making me any better, any stronger, and more wise, resilient, or kind. *

*What is important to note is that sometimes we think all of our goals, resolutions, targets have to be about adding things to our list. But, if we think about growing, often times it has to be about taking away the things that hold us back.

 

GOAL 2:  READ MORE. Since 2015, this year was the year I have read the least amount of books. And while 6 books isn’t a lot, I don’t think that my lack of reading (which I deem as important, relaxing, and necessary) wasn’t because I’m too busy or because of some other excuse. I think it was because it was easier to mindlessly pick up my phone. I have a few mini-target set. 6 books within the first 6 months of the year, and 21 books total for 2021. I’ll be reading Atomic Habits for my first book of the new year!

 

GOAL 3: BRINGING BACK A HOBBY. Super stoked! I am excitedly looking forward to trying a new hobby for 2021. Something fun that will encourage me to learn something new and utilize some of my artistic talent with no monetary gain. I’ve been wanting to learn/try calligraphy for as long as I can remember–always making excuses for why I couldn’t. But I’ve found some virtual classes I can take that will allow me to order a kit and learn from home and I couldn’t be more excited. Wanna join me? Let’s connect!

 

GOAL 4: ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE. In our Thanksgiving reflection, the mindset of having an attitude of gratitude all year long really resonated with me. And then we spoke to Jason Waller about resiliency this same idea of gratitude came to light again. I took it as a sign that it was time to develop my gratitude muscle. So, thanks to Amazon, and to a friend who gave me the idea (thanks Jeff!) I purchased a 52 week gratitude journal. It’s broken up in to categories with a focus of each week, and I cannot wait to get started.

 

GOAL 5: GIVING BACK. More and more in this last year, I have really come to admire those that are crazy generous with their time, talents, and finances. Although I would say we are generous, I think I/we have a ways to go. I’d like to move beyond just writing a check or making a yearly donation. My steps in this endeavor are going to require me/us to research some cause(s) we can get behind, support, and invest in and make that a priority in 2021 and beyond. People who have inspired me to pursue this: House of Shan –go check out her mission! Cesco’s Heart, read more about this family, their story, and how they chose to DO SOMETHING.

 

FOR FUN! If we are going to be home more and have time to experiment with life again, then in 2021 I want to engage in some challenges that help form good habits and be competitive with Jordan. We are both competitive by nature so this will definitely spark some fun and some discipline. We are going to make a list of 30 day challenges that we can engage in each month—sometimes together, and sometimes just for ourselves. I am using the list from my Commit 30 Day Planner to help inspire me.

Are there other goals, resolutions and intentions I have for 2021? Yes. There are some habits and values that I am continuing to maintain from 2020. There are other ones I’m ditching too. I have goals related to my kids that I need to re-up on, and goals related to Jordan and our relationship. So maybe you have 1 goal or maybe you have 25, either way, take some time to think through the direction for your next year.

Grab a journal and write, use your voice memo app, talk to a friend over Facetime, or gaze in to your partner’s eyes and challenge one another to do this together. Whatever you method, your means, your motive, I encourage you to take the time to do it!

Wishing you a healthy and happy 2021!

Xo, Rosanna

Family Dinner

Family Dinner

by | May 21, 2020

We take dinner time very seriously around here. I’ve definitely got my parents to thank for that. When I look back at my childhood, family dinners are still some of my most vivid memories.

When Jordan and I started dating, he got to join in too. We’d sit and eat and talk about our day, and eat, and talk some more, and then when we were done, we’d end the meal with seasonal fresh fruit and some nuts too. And then maybe a little espresso. Meal time was a very sacred time in our family. No one rushed away from the table to play with friends or to watch tv. It’s just how it always was.

After Jordan and I were married, dinner remained just as important to the two of us. We’d come home from work, and we’d cook dinner and sit and eat together in our townhouse. We could have just as easily eaten sandwiches or cereal, or grabbed take out, but we genuinely looked forward to this time together. I hadn’t really realized that what my parents chose for their family was a behavior that I valued so highly that I would carry on to mine.

We were married for almost four years before we had our first child, Jac, but not even his arrival broke our daily dinner time ritual. I often bounced my precious boy on my hip despite being a weary first-time mom because to me, it was important for us to come together around the table.

 

Maintaining our Gather Ritual

So here we are, children now out-numbering parents four to two, and we persist with our evening gathering around the table. Although there is frequent moaning and groaning about zucchini or chicken, we value this gathering because we put away our devices, look each other in the eyes, and we talk to each other. As my husband tells our kids, “Dinner is for eating and talking about your day.”

Of course not every meal is picture perfect. Honestly, it’s getting more and more enticing to throw in the towel and throw my hands up when I’ve kids who can’t seem to stomach anything I make, or who are so exuberant that sitting still is a challenge and dinner becomes one giant shouting match with the occasional dance break and melt-down.

Did you know that regular family meal time is the greatest predictor of improved achievement — more than studying, sports or other school activities? And, a study of preschoolers found that mealtime conversations with children helped to build vocabulary more effectively than even listening to stories or reading aloud. This isn’t, of course, why we do it, but there are many benefits that come from the way we gather as a family.

What’s Your “Gather”?

Now listen, I’m not trying to guilt you in to cooking seven nights a week. I happen to love cooking, but I know not everyone does. This is just what works for us.

If there’s something I want you to take away, it’s this: sit down all together as often as you can in an intentional manner. Feelings of trust tend to be built in small moments such as when we are there for one another, listen to one another, and when we prioritize our relationships with each other over other people and things.

What if your morning routines allow for family time? What about talking over pancakes or pop tarts? Or maybe something completely different is better for you. The goal is to consider any way that you can sit together and talk without interruption or distraction. Keep those phones and other devices away!

So what’s your “gather”? What rituals of attention, peace, and togetherness do you make room for?

 

Receiving and Passing

This isn’t just for our own family dinner time. When people come in to our home, they know they will be fed, they will be seated around a table to listen, to share, to laugh, to be, and they will engage in a conversation with us. It’s just a part of who we are and what we do. And you know what? I love that about us!

Even our kids know that about us and about themselves. I’ve watched them offer food and beverages to guests, usher them over to the table to be a part of who we are, and then sit down and start conversations with people of all ages as they take turns listening and speaking from the heart. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.

For our family, sharing a meal and setting a consistent time each day to come together is one of the most important things we do. I received this ritual from my parents, and gladly pass it along t my children as they watch us facilitate this gathering.

What are some of your family’s habits and routines? How do you make sure you find time to speak and listen to your spouse and kids daily?

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