One Thing I Wish I Had Done Sooner

A funny thing happened the other day:

I had a headache. Rosanna suggested I take some medicine for it. I took medicine and felt better.

“What’s so funny about that?” you might ask.

What’s funny is that it wasn’t always the case that I listened to Rosanna’s suggestions. In fact, sadly, I often found myself resisting whatever advice she gave.

I’m quite happy to report that I’ve grown out of this, and I now take her advice as often and as quickly as I can.

 

Take Your Spouse’s Advice

 

The lesson I’ve learned over time is this: You should take your spouse’s advice. I wish I have been doing this for much longer.

It’s not like I ignored Rosanna or didn’t take her suggestions on anything. There were certain domains where I relied on her opinion, such as on what to wear or how to interact with people. But beyond a few permitted domains, I insisted on taking my own advice even if I knew it wasn’t the best.

My problem was that I was observing myself and my reality through the lens of what I wish it would be. For example, if I had a headache, then I refused to admit any causes of it and denied I should be having one. If it was something bigger, like career decisions, then I imagined what it was I wanted and believed if I kept on the same course then it would come true.

Rosanna’s problem, of course, was that she was saying things I knew to be true but didn’t want to acknowledge. It’s not like she did anything wrong or her advice was bad – quite the opposite. The real root of my foolishness was that I was resisting the truth and reality her advice was grounded in.

But now I know better.

Instead of brushing off Rosanna’s wisdom with the intemperate flick I give to a spider on my arm, I have learned to embrace it. And this has improved not only my actions specific to circumstances, but it has improved my understanding of the reality I live in.

 

Why Your Spouse’s Advice Makes a Difference

Your spouse has several unique advantages when it comes to advice given.

Advantage Number 1: They are not you. Yes, being anyone other than you is an advantage. Just like when you’re doing a maze, it’s much easier to complete the maze from the outside because you can see the whole picture better than if you were in the maze. Others have the advantage of an outside perspective, potentially able to see the breadth and context better than you can.

Advantage Number 2: Your spouse knows you. If you’re married, then you likely know a little something about one another. There might only be a few people on the planet who actually know you, and your spouse is one of them. (I’d even say Rosanna knows me better than I know me sometimes). Let them put their expertise on you to good use and offer you wisdom that fits in with who you really are.

Advantage Number 3: We tend to give better advice to others, anyway. When we are following our own path, it is fraught with peril and pitfalls we didn’t even see in front of us. When someone else asks us for advice, we turn in to goddamn Dr. Phil. How is this possible? We won’t explore this too much now, but you know I’m right. It’s easier to give advice to someone else…and you are someone else to your spouse!

I’ve also noticed that when you take your spouse’ s advice, it shows you have trust in them, and they in turn will develop more trust in you. This doesn’t mean every piece of advice we give one another is a home run.

You should still carefully consider everything you hear and take action on what you’re reasonably comfortable with.

As I often tell my children when they are caught groaning at Rosanna’s latest directive, “Hey, always take your mother’s advice. I do, and I wish I started doing it much sooner.”

 

Go Beyond Taking Advice – Seek it Out

 

I recently have gone one step further. Instead of passively waiting for Rosanna to suggest something, I have begun seeking her input.

• “Hey babe, what do you think about ________?”

• “I’ve been thinking _______. Do you see this the same way?”

• “Rosanna, I need some input on _____.”

Then I listen. Then I do what she says.

Asking her advice has two advantages. First, I get good insight into something I need good insight on. Second, this furthers our sense of trust with one another; I’m relying on her and she feels valued by having her advice sought.

I might seek input on simple things, like what to wear or if she can proofread an email. But I go well beyond this as well, opening up for input regarding social, career, family, and emotional advice as well.

Now, I do want to add that just because Rosanna’s provides advice doesn’t mean I robotically take it. I do think it’s important to think through what she says and synthesize this with my own thinking, experiences, and other inputs. But I am far more likely now to take her advise seriously and apply it. This is in large part because when I did go think through the advice and explore alternatives, I often still ended up landing where she suggested – just a long time later. I realized I could get better results faster if I just do what she advises the first time.

 

Seeking Wisdom from Others

Your spouse is one very important person from whom you should seriously consider receiving advice and perspective. But they don’t have to be the only one. Who are the people in your life you can seek wisdom from?

And on a final note, one person you should definitely seek advice from is….yourself. We’ll explore this more in the future, but you’ll notice that when you think about things, you already know what advice to give yourself and what the best course of action would be.

We often know so readily what advice to we’d give to others. If you can remove yourself from our own head and turn this ability on yourself, you may be pleasantly surprised at how powerful your own self-advisement might be.

Share With Us

How readily do you accept your spouse’s advise? What obstacles do you find prevent you from doing this? Who are others in your life you appreciate seeking input from? Share the good stuff with the Relentless Pursuit community by leaving a comment below!