Love in the Time of Corona – How Do We Love Our Kids?

 

 

This is the third of three posts related to Love in the Time of Corona. You can read more about loving yourself or about loving your spouse during these days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jordan and I have always said that it would be nice to have more time together as a family, but perhaps we should have been more specific.

 

 

Once it was decided that school would no longer be in session in Illinois after March 17 due to COVID-19, one thing became quite apparent to Jordan and I; we were going to be thrust in to a season of intense family time. I mean, “enhanced” family time.

 

 

Of our four kids, our three school-aged children had a myriad of reactions once schools in Illinois were initially “closed”—one cried, one celebrated, and one is still young enough to be a bit oblivious to what it all means. And our reaction?  We were more focused on reassuring our kids that everything would be ok and helping them cope with the new normal. But we know that that wasn’t most people’s reaction.

 

 

It didn’t take long for these circumstances to induce the fear, the anxiety, the stress, and the burden in our lives and in the lives of those around us. And what we kept reminding ourselves during this major shift was that our job as parents is now and should forever be to:

 

 

 

1. Do your best
2. Love your kids

 

 

Our kids are 9, 7, 5 and 1. Our thoughts here are what has been working for us, but we understand that depending on the ages and temperaments of your kids, your work arrangements, and a host of other factors, this may not be for everyone. With that being said, the two greatest things any parent can do during this time are simply to LOVE and SUPPORT your kids!

 

 

 

Model Good Behavior

 

 

Does this being-stuck-at-home stink sometimes? Sure does. Is it what we wanted for our kids, our families, ourselves? Probably not.

 

 

In order to help them come to terms with what is going on we need to teach them how to name their feelings, talk about how to cope in a healthy way, and most importantly, how to persevere. We need to model for them how to rise to the challenge and adapt to the circumstances! We must remember our kids are listening to what we say and how we respond to EVERYTHING that is happening right now.

 

 

Let’s be real, some days are complete disasters because even our best intentions have led to arguments, meltdowns, and tears, and I’m not just talking about the kids either. But nevertheless, we must persist! And it’s important to teach our kids how to do that too. It’s important to teach them to be positive in the face of adversity.

 

 

 

Talk Honestly & Listen Openly

 

 

Create safe spaces to talk to your kids individually about what’s going on in terms they can understand. Maybe it’s while you’re taking a walk, or coloring, or at bed time. No matter what time, take the time to check-in with each child. Let them know you’re listening and want to hear how they are feeling.

 

 

We use dinner time as a way to host a daily family chat. We ask our kids about what they see on TV and what they are learning and hearing from their friends and teachers during e-learning. In a nut shell we “talk about our day”. The things we learned, what we saw, how those things made us feel. We use these conversations as teachable moments in a group setting so that all four of them learn from one another.

 

 

In addition to all the talking, Jordan and I make sure we are observing their behaviors with our eyes and ears. Noting their reactions, interactions with siblings and virtual communication with other friends and family. What are they saying as they play? What is their attitude towards each other? Are they being obedient to us and the rules? If not, why? We are looking for signs and symptoms of how they are really doing in case they can’t effectively communicate their thoughts and feelings.

 

 

 

Find Comfort in Routines

 

 

The days are long, but the years are short. Did I mention these days are long? One way to combat long days is to break them up in to manageable pieces. Ever wonder why schools operate so smoothly? There’s a schedule and a routine—one the children know and can anticipate. There’s comfort in daily routines and expectations.

 

 

We created a schedule to help keep our kids’ time directed and focused. It helped them to know what they were supposed to be doing, and when they are supposed to be doing It. It cut down on the number of questions, requests for snacks, and when screen time starts and ends. It forced them to be responsible and even self-directed at times. And, it keeps us accountable too!

 

 

For us, the same daily schedule works best as I can facilitate school in the AM while Jordan works. But I know that for others, each day’s schedule may look different depending on their own calls, meetings, and work schedule. Or if you have little little ones, then maybe school can’t begin until nap time starts. Again, do what’s best for you. If your child can’t hop on a google meet, take the pressure off. Managing multiple kids with e-learning schedules is HARD. Just do your best. And communicate to your kids what the day’s schedule and routine will be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let Them Be Kids

 

 

Letting them be kids means letting them be silly, loud, cranky, and crazy.  They jump, they yell, they spill, they laugh, they fight, they whine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that these things are all normal and should be an expected part of each and every day. And what really needs to be in check are my responses to them “being kids.”

 

 

While my husband and I try and keep them subdued during work calls and zoom meetings, we also intentionally create time and space in our home for dance parties, tickle fights, and indoor sports – even when those go against all the rules. I’m learning to let there be crumbs on the floor and forts in almost every room of the house. And you know what? No one is coming over. So, I’ll tuck the vacuum away and learn to live in the new normal a bit more and not worry so much about the mess and the rules.

 

 

 

Keep Them Active

 

 

Unfortunately for our kids, they are missing out on all kinds of spring sports and activities. Besides enjoying the health benefits of regular exercise and organized sports, kids who are active are better able to handle physical and emotional challenges. Keeping them physically active during this time is vital for their emotional stability.

 

 

In order to help motivate and inspire our crew, Jordan and I have found success in leading by example. We both start our day with workouts, inviting our kids to join in when they like. On bright sunny days, I delay my morning workout and take all four for a walk to get them moving outside before we come inside to exercise their brains with e-learning.

 

 

Bike rides have been a big hit for us. We are recording our miles, making goals for monthly mile records, etc. What’s also great is that we see friends from school and the neighborhood waving from their porches and yards. We even chat from the street with those we know and love.

 

 

If you are working from home and juggling e-learning and finding it hard to keep your kids active, or maybe you live in place with less than ideal weather, or don’t have a yard for kids to safely play unsupervised, plenty of park districts, gyms, and studios are hosting on-line yoga and work-outs just for kids!

 

 

 

Get Creative

 

 

If you are looking for ways to help fill the days with more life and more love, then it’s time to get creative! There is a lot we can teach our kids that aren’t found on google meets, zoom calls, or in books.

 

 

Try some of these:

 

 

 

• Hand-write letters to family far away
• Follow recipes & cook or bake together regularly
• Include your kids on meal planning for the family
• Start a chore chart and put those kids to work
• Create family relays or games and compete
• Raise caterpillars & release butterflies
• Start a family book club and celebrate when you’re done by watching the movie after
• Support a local cause
• Institute family game nights
• Fix/build something together

 

 

After all of this is done and over, your kids may not remember what the learned or what you did, but they will remember how they felt. Make room for memories, make room for laughs, make room for love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Never Fails

 

 

Loving our kids the best we can will look different for everyone. So, don’t get caught up in what we are doing, or what someone else is or isn’t doing. Consider your kids, their needs, your specific family situation and dynamics, and what works best for you, and do that!

 

 

There is no doubt for us all that being with our kids so much, having little or nowhere to go, and balancing their needs and learning with our needs, work, and worries is TOUGH. We have our off days, our lazy days, and plenty of evenings where we get the little boogers down to bed and collapse ourselves from the exhaustion of it all.

 

 

But when you look back on this time, what will YOU remember?  Is this really the disaster it seemed like at the beginning? We always tell ourselves that “these are the days” and that “we wish we could have more time as a family.” Well, now we have it. What will you love or regret about this time once it passes?