But Why Go Back to Normal?

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”

–Charles Addams

We’ve spent the past year saying things like “When things go back to normal…”

But I have to ask, what is this thing we’re calling “normal” and why are we so eager to get back to it? 

Some Lessons from Fasting and 30-Day Experiments

Something I’ve been applying recently is the wisdom of “fasting” from various things in my life. At the start of this year, I intentionally went about making a plan for different “experiments” of adding or subtracting certain habits. For example, I recently went 45 days without alcohol. I also tried 30 days of handwriting (instead of typing) my journal. I undertook these small experiments to give myself a slice of a different experience without committing to a lifelong change. 

The lesson I’ve learned so far is that when we change or take a break from something, we have a chance to understand that something differently. 

So this led me to think, “What have I taken a break from, so to speak, over the past year?” This past year has been something of a “forced experiment.” Although I haven’t entirely been the one to dictate what the changes in my patterns were, I still find myself with the similar opportunity to think through what I’ve learned from those changes I have experienced. 

We keep talking about “getting back to normal,” but I can’t help but ask, “What was so great about normal that I want to get back to?” There are some elements that I genuinely miss and which absence has made the heart grow fonder. But there are plenty of other elements that I honestly don’t miss, or at least want to approach from a different angle the next time around. 

We have a chance to reevaluate what we liked, and didn’t like, about our old normal. And now, as the world opens up again, we can literally construct our lives in a way that is more genuinely in tune with what we want them to be like. 

Three Questions I’m Using to Approach My Reflection

1. First, I’m asking myself, “What was different this past year?” I’m trying to just list as much as I can that happened due to the pandemic. 

2. Next, I’m asking myself, “What about this change was pleasant? What about it was unpleasant?”

3. Finally, I’m asking myself, “In what way do I want this back in my life? What does this make me appreciate or reevaluate?

 Things That Were Different

Here’s a brief description of some of the forced changes I encountered this past year. 

• Our family schedule was a LOT less busy. Fewer activities for the kids to be involved in. Fewer places we needed to be. 
• We spent a LOT of time together at home. 
• I worked a LOT from home – we put a desk in our bedroom where I could close the door and focus. 
• School became an online, digitized interaction. 
• We saw our friends and family less.

I know this is a pretty generic list – I mean, most of us could put these items on our own lists – but hey, this is my list so I’m going to put what I want on it. 

I think I also need to add some things that I was indirectly involved in or privy to that took place during the pandemic as well. 

• Protests and riots related to race, inequity, and a general reevaluation of a lot of things we took for granted but should not have.
• Lots of information and misinformation – seems like there is little we can call “truth” since it’s difficult to separate fact from fiction, opinion from reality. 

For the sake of oversimplification, let’s just call everything listed above as “different” from in years past. Again, it’s an oversimplification, but you’ve got to start somewhere. 

So What Parts of Normal Are Worth Going Back To?

I could take a detailed look at any one of the elements listed above and spend days pouring over the things I learned about it and how I want to approach it this next time around. 

For me, this manifests, at least at first, with a lot of questions:

• Once we get “back to normal,” will I begrudge the busyness of our family schedule, embrace it more, or find a new balance that makes the most of our precious time at home and our precious time beyond?
• Once we get “back to normal,” will I adhere to the routines and habits that made me feel productive, responsible, and proactive? 
• Once we get “back to normal,” will I put down my phone, computer, and tablet as often as I tell myself I need to so I can look at the people in front of me? 
• Once we get “back to normal,” will I appreciate the fact that I have an amazing job with an amazing place to work at it?
• Once we get “back to normal,” will we recognize the power of the in-class interactions teachers have with our kids and thank them profusely?
• Once we get “back to normal,” will I ignore the protests of my fellow Americans and pretend like everything is fine with the black community again? 

There’s so much more I could list here, so much more I could say. The truth is that sometimes “normal” is what we passively allow to happen to us, what we take for granted, or what we grow a little too comfortable with. It’s good to take a step back once in a while and ask ourselves, “What is my normal, and am I ready to try something a little….abnormal?” 

Abnormal, unusual, new…these are all uncomfortable and, frankly, something we build walls of excuses to avoid. I don’t want to think about the lives of black Americans because it’s uncomfortable. I don’t want to put my phone down because it’s inconvenient. I don’t want to thank my kids’ teachers because it’s easier to complain about the school system. But at least, in my process of reevaluating all of this, I can admit these things and make the conscious decision to be the kind of person I actually want to be. 

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s the idea of being on “autopilot.” The pandemic threw off many of my established patterns, for better or worse, and the last thing I want is to scramble back to all the old ways of doing things before I ask myself, “Wait a minute…do I actually want to be doing things this way?”

 So maybe now – right before we get back into our comfortable little pockets of familiarity – we embrace the new and abnormal and use it to help us figure out what was so great, or not, about our old normal in the first place.