Once the Stay At Home order was put in to place, I got to work. I decided that if I was going to be home around the clock with my kids, leading them through school, and keeping them entertained during a typical Chicago spring, then I was going to need some reinforcements. And you know what that means? I’ll give you a hint. One word. Amazon. Do you remember when Prime meant two days? Gosh were we spoiled!

Even though we have more than enough toys and games to play with, my nine and half years of parenting experiences has also taught me that nothing stirs excitement and curiosity like something new. We ended up with a variety of puzzles, games, sketch pads, and even some cups for STEM building, but it was my very last purchase that has proved to spark some pondering and reflection of the last six weeks.

I ordered a butterfly kit that came with live Caterpillars. Besides all four of our kids being mesmerized by each stage of the process over the last six weeks, I too have unexpectedly found myself enthralled and learning quite a bit about life in our current state. Nothing like good old Mother Nature for a life lesson!

 

Just the Essentials

When our kit arrived, I couldn’t believe how small these things were. In my mind, when I picture a caterpillar, I envision these beefy, fuzzy things inching around. But when our 10 caterpillars arrived, they were surprisingly tiny. They came in sealed cups that were vented at the top so that they could breathe. And, at the bottom of the cup were the nutrients they needed to eat before cocooning. I was really quite skeptical about the whole thing as it did not look at all appetizing, but, nonetheless, there they were, safe with food and shelter, ready to just do their thing. 

Now, nothing about this part of getting the caterpillars or setting them up in our kitchen sparked any kind of joy, awe, or wonder for me or for my kids. It was more of just a novelty at this point, like, “oh look, we have caterpillars…yay.” And everyone just kind of went about their business. I was a little bummed that they weren’t all completely stoked about this and prematurely admitted defeat in my mind as a mom fail.

Looking back, I can’t help but laugh at the irony. “There they were, safe with food and shelter, ready to just do their thing.” Can we just for one minute remind ourselves that sometimes the little things are the big things? Safety. Food. Shelter. How many of us have that? And how many of us were reminded or needed to be reminded that those things are the big things? Even if we had only those things, we’d have everything we’d need. But, in our modern age, we have way more than that!

 

Growth

Over the next few days, I’d occasionally catch Jordan or one of the kids with their faces pressed up to the cup to see if anyone was moving in there, or if anything was happening. At first, it seemed like nothing was really going on at all. Our oldest was convinced they were “dud caterpillars” and that we wouldn’t get any butterflies. But as the days turned in to a week, I looked at the cup and did a double take. I called (that sounds so sweet and very June Cleaver of me, but I am sure I probably just yelled!) for everyone to join me in the kitchen. These things were HUGE! Unnoticeable at first, these little critters were merrily eating themselves silly and were growing.

Here they were trapped in a plastic cup with nowhere to go, and the only choice these little things had was to grow! So if their only choice was to grow, then what makes you think that this time confined at home is for anything other than that for us? We need to constantly be aware of what are we fueling our minds, our bodies, and our time with. These caterpillars are growing in the confines of a plastic cup, with what looks to be some kind of artificially made sustenance. Not the way nature intended it, but nevertheless, they persisted. How are you persisting? Within the confines of your home, how are you persevering? How are you growing within the space and in the means you have been given?  

 

Cocoon

Then one day, it was just time. It was like a bell rang, all ten of these caterpillars knew it was time to migrate up the cup to just hang. We all watched as the caterpillars squinched (that’s the technical term, right?) their way to the lid to hang and make their cocoon. It was so very bizarre and so oddly fascinating.

We are a generation of movers and shakers. And in most ways, we have been asked to retreat from the stressful conditions of public life into the cozy, private world of our homes and families. For me, as scary and uncertain as it all felt, it also gave me a sense of peace and comfort. I knew where we were, where we needed to be, and I made peace with it. A bell rang, and it was just time. And we did what we were supposed to do.

Something that I think we can all agree on is this: During this time we really do need to continue to protect ourselves. We need to take time for ourselves. We need to establish routines of self-care. For some us with a house full of kids and spouse, it’s time alone. Time to think, to breathe, to relax, to process in solitude. For others who are alone, it might mean surrounding yourself with people virtually –as you cocoon yourself with others by finding connection and comfort.

 

Breakthrough

Our booklet told us that 7-10 days after the chrysalis formed that the butterflies would emerge. They were spot on. We missed the first one. We went to bed with 10 cocoons and woke up with 9 cocoons and one butterfly. The kids were STOKED. And slowly, the next day, we caught the butterflies emerging slowly, one by one. 

Unless you’ve done this before, you might not know that the butterfly’s wings are very fragile at first. They are small and wet and take about three hours to harden so that they can fly. It’s a slow and delicate process. Additionally, the butterflies expel a red liquid called meconium. Meconium is the leftover part of the caterpillar that was not needed to make the butterfly and is stored in the intestine of the butterfly and expelled after the butterfly emerges. Too much? Sorry!

 

Our Time is Coming

Our breakthrough is coming. Or should I say our breakout? But I think that there are a few things we all need to remember. It’s going to be a slow and delicate process. Things aren’t just going to go back to “normal” right away. So as we are sitting here, cocooned, it might be time to ask yourself how are you preparing yourself, your kids, your family, your friends, for life’s new normal?  And, maybe more importantly, what do you want your new normal to look like?

The caterpillar doesn’t go back to being or doing what a caterpillar did because that’s what it used to be. Once it emerges, it is something completely different. I think we’d be remiss to think that we shouldn’t be coming out of this different. What are you learning? How are you growing? What will you do with your wings once you can fly?

 

 

 

 

This is the third of three posts related to Love in the Time of Corona. You can read more about loving yourself or about loving your spouse during these days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jordan and I have always said that it would be nice to have more time together as a family, but perhaps we should have been more specific.

 

 

Once it was decided that school would no longer be in session in Illinois after March 17 due to COVID-19, one thing became quite apparent to Jordan and I; we were going to be thrust in to a season of intense family time. I mean, “enhanced” family time.

 

 

Of our four kids, our three school-aged children had a myriad of reactions once schools in Illinois were initially “closed”—one cried, one celebrated, and one is still young enough to be a bit oblivious to what it all means. And our reaction?  We were more focused on reassuring our kids that everything would be ok and helping them cope with the new normal. But we know that that wasn’t most people’s reaction.

 

 

It didn’t take long for these circumstances to induce the fear, the anxiety, the stress, and the burden in our lives and in the lives of those around us. And what we kept reminding ourselves during this major shift was that our job as parents is now and should forever be to:

 

 

 

1. Do your best
2. Love your kids

 

 

Our kids are 9, 7, 5 and 1. Our thoughts here are what has been working for us, but we understand that depending on the ages and temperaments of your kids, your work arrangements, and a host of other factors, this may not be for everyone. With that being said, the two greatest things any parent can do during this time are simply to LOVE and SUPPORT your kids!

 

 

 

Model Good Behavior

 

 

Does this being-stuck-at-home stink sometimes? Sure does. Is it what we wanted for our kids, our families, ourselves? Probably not.

 

 

In order to help them come to terms with what is going on we need to teach them how to name their feelings, talk about how to cope in a healthy way, and most importantly, how to persevere. We need to model for them how to rise to the challenge and adapt to the circumstances! We must remember our kids are listening to what we say and how we respond to EVERYTHING that is happening right now.

 

 

Let’s be real, some days are complete disasters because even our best intentions have led to arguments, meltdowns, and tears, and I’m not just talking about the kids either. But nevertheless, we must persist! And it’s important to teach our kids how to do that too. It’s important to teach them to be positive in the face of adversity.

 

 

 

Talk Honestly & Listen Openly

 

 

Create safe spaces to talk to your kids individually about what’s going on in terms they can understand. Maybe it’s while you’re taking a walk, or coloring, or at bed time. No matter what time, take the time to check-in with each child. Let them know you’re listening and want to hear how they are feeling.

 

 

We use dinner time as a way to host a daily family chat. We ask our kids about what they see on TV and what they are learning and hearing from their friends and teachers during e-learning. In a nut shell we “talk about our day”. The things we learned, what we saw, how those things made us feel. We use these conversations as teachable moments in a group setting so that all four of them learn from one another.

 

 

In addition to all the talking, Jordan and I make sure we are observing their behaviors with our eyes and ears. Noting their reactions, interactions with siblings and virtual communication with other friends and family. What are they saying as they play? What is their attitude towards each other? Are they being obedient to us and the rules? If not, why? We are looking for signs and symptoms of how they are really doing in case they can’t effectively communicate their thoughts and feelings.

 

 

 

Find Comfort in Routines

 

 

The days are long, but the years are short. Did I mention these days are long? One way to combat long days is to break them up in to manageable pieces. Ever wonder why schools operate so smoothly? There’s a schedule and a routine—one the children know and can anticipate. There’s comfort in daily routines and expectations.

 

 

We created a schedule to help keep our kids’ time directed and focused. It helped them to know what they were supposed to be doing, and when they are supposed to be doing It. It cut down on the number of questions, requests for snacks, and when screen time starts and ends. It forced them to be responsible and even self-directed at times. And, it keeps us accountable too!

 

 

For us, the same daily schedule works best as I can facilitate school in the AM while Jordan works. But I know that for others, each day’s schedule may look different depending on their own calls, meetings, and work schedule. Or if you have little little ones, then maybe school can’t begin until nap time starts. Again, do what’s best for you. If your child can’t hop on a google meet, take the pressure off. Managing multiple kids with e-learning schedules is HARD. Just do your best. And communicate to your kids what the day’s schedule and routine will be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let Them Be Kids

 

 

Letting them be kids means letting them be silly, loud, cranky, and crazy.  They jump, they yell, they spill, they laugh, they fight, they whine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that these things are all normal and should be an expected part of each and every day. And what really needs to be in check are my responses to them “being kids.”

 

 

While my husband and I try and keep them subdued during work calls and zoom meetings, we also intentionally create time and space in our home for dance parties, tickle fights, and indoor sports – even when those go against all the rules. I’m learning to let there be crumbs on the floor and forts in almost every room of the house. And you know what? No one is coming over. So, I’ll tuck the vacuum away and learn to live in the new normal a bit more and not worry so much about the mess and the rules.

 

 

 

Keep Them Active

 

 

Unfortunately for our kids, they are missing out on all kinds of spring sports and activities. Besides enjoying the health benefits of regular exercise and organized sports, kids who are active are better able to handle physical and emotional challenges. Keeping them physically active during this time is vital for their emotional stability.

 

 

In order to help motivate and inspire our crew, Jordan and I have found success in leading by example. We both start our day with workouts, inviting our kids to join in when they like. On bright sunny days, I delay my morning workout and take all four for a walk to get them moving outside before we come inside to exercise their brains with e-learning.

 

 

Bike rides have been a big hit for us. We are recording our miles, making goals for monthly mile records, etc. What’s also great is that we see friends from school and the neighborhood waving from their porches and yards. We even chat from the street with those we know and love.

 

 

If you are working from home and juggling e-learning and finding it hard to keep your kids active, or maybe you live in place with less than ideal weather, or don’t have a yard for kids to safely play unsupervised, plenty of park districts, gyms, and studios are hosting on-line yoga and work-outs just for kids!

 

 

 

Get Creative

 

 

If you are looking for ways to help fill the days with more life and more love, then it’s time to get creative! There is a lot we can teach our kids that aren’t found on google meets, zoom calls, or in books.

 

 

Try some of these:

 

 

 

• Hand-write letters to family far away
• Follow recipes & cook or bake together regularly
• Include your kids on meal planning for the family
• Start a chore chart and put those kids to work
• Create family relays or games and compete
• Raise caterpillars & release butterflies
• Start a family book club and celebrate when you’re done by watching the movie after
• Support a local cause
• Institute family game nights
• Fix/build something together

 

 

After all of this is done and over, your kids may not remember what the learned or what you did, but they will remember how they felt. Make room for memories, make room for laughs, make room for love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Never Fails

 

 

Loving our kids the best we can will look different for everyone. So, don’t get caught up in what we are doing, or what someone else is or isn’t doing. Consider your kids, their needs, your specific family situation and dynamics, and what works best for you, and do that!

 

 

There is no doubt for us all that being with our kids so much, having little or nowhere to go, and balancing their needs and learning with our needs, work, and worries is TOUGH. We have our off days, our lazy days, and plenty of evenings where we get the little boogers down to bed and collapse ourselves from the exhaustion of it all.

 

 

But when you look back on this time, what will YOU remember?  Is this really the disaster it seemed like at the beginning? We always tell ourselves that “these are the days” and that “we wish we could have more time as a family.” Well, now we have it. What will you love or regret about this time once it passes?

 

This is the second post in a three-part series. Read about loving yourself and loving your kids, too!

Jordan and I have been together for 21 years, and married for almost fourteen. In that time, our love has taken many forms—from sweet, innocent love to long-distance love, and from young married newlyweds to our current state of loud-safe-at-home-elearning-four-kids-crazy-while-trying-to-work-and-build-something kind of love.

You know what’s great about love?  It’s deep and it’s wide. It is made up of several different stages, each filled with their own set of sacrifices and surprises. While it’s great to be romantic and spontaneous, love cannot be sustained on those two things alone. A great relationship – especially in the time of Corona – doesn’t just magically happen by itself, though. 

Jordan and I both try and approach our love for each other the same way we do everything else—with a plan and on purpose.  Here’s how we are trying to make room for nothing but love in the time of Corona. So far it’s working for us! Maybe it can work for you too.

Top Five Ways to Love Your Spouse in the Time of Corona:

1. Ask

2. Take

3. Give

4. Schedule

5. Do

We ask each other this question: “How Can I Love You This Week?”

Asking your partner what they need/how they need to be loved is vital. Just as vital as you being able to communicate your needs. Have you ever had expectations for someone, but actually never communicated those? Disaster. 

Before Corona (B.C.), we had started asking each other this question, “How can I love you this week?” It was a great way for us to communicate what we would need from the other person in order to be successful and feel supported, depending on what was going on in our lives because no two weeks were really ever the same for us. When the “stay at home” order was announced back in March, we had to start asking each some very necessary questions that would help us prepare us for how we were going to make our new normal work.  

How have things been going for you and your spouse? Are you and your partner in sync or are stuck in a rut? If so, then you need to start with acknowledging your needs. In my previous post, I discussed knowing who you are and what your needs are. (If you missed that one, go back and take a look.) What could you use this week? What would help you feel good or more on-track? What can you take off your plate? How can your partner support you or help you? Once you’ve figured that out, tell them! But, don’t just think about what you need. Ask them what they need too!

We take turns

Our house is full. Six of us are currently safe at home together, and in order to be able to have time and space to work, we have to take turns as parents. Our kids are nine, seven, five, and almost two so there’s never a shortage of noise, mess or commotion. And just when we’ve met the needs of one child, another chimes in with a request, a complaint, or a poopy diaper.

In order to work from home successfully, one of us has to be with the kids so that the other can focus and work uninterrupted. I wish I could say that taking turns is perfectly balanced around here. And that we have found some kind of magical solution. But it’s not, and we don’t. I’m not sure that will exist for any of us. There’s a constant ebb and flow of workload, deadlines and zoom calls. My goodness, the amount of zoom calls. 

That’s why we operate under the “team work makes the dream work” mantra around here. In order for us both to get our work done, we are constantly tagging each other in and out if we want to be able to stand a chance at successfully work or getting things done (hello laundry, meal-prep, cleaning, grocery shopping, e-learning, not to mention being the entertainment coordinator for four kids). The attitude isn’t 50/50 around here. It’s 100/100. We are both “all in” right now. All in for our kids, and we are all in for each other.

How are you and your partner working together to make life work right now? Are you all in? Whether you’re working from home, reporting in, have kids, don’t have kids, how are you working together for the best possible outcomes?

We give each other the time & space

In any relationship, it is important for both people to maintain some level of autonomy and independence. Why? Because when you are in a healthy relationship you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your dreams, goals, or passions…even during a worldwide pandemic. 

Even though are days are very full right now, we still prioritize giving each other space to work and pursue independent interests. No questions asked. When it’s important to one of us, the other then makes room for it too. A good partner is one who is willing to support and encourage your individual pursuits and interests no matter what. How can you create time and space in your home to allow your partner the space they need to pursue their interests?

But beyond that, we also give each other time for some much needed self-care. Whether it’s time to rest or space to relax we make it happen. Sometimes Jordan will  “send” me to “time out” when he knows the day has been long and my patience with the kids has run short. And when I see that he is exhausted from working and helping keep our kids engaged, I’ll ask him if it’s time for a “dad nap.” The fact that we are both reading each other’s cues and volunteer to “man the ship” so the other can rest or find some sanity means everything right now.

We schedule time together

If you have multiple kids, you probably know how easy it can be to go for days without actually having a chance at a real conversation (especially if you’re constantly tagging in and out with the kids and are working), so we have to be intentional.

We started scheduling time together on Monday nights back in September. Once all four kids are in bed, we head to the couch. Sometimes with a glass of wine, sometimes with the fireplace or some music on. We start with an overview of the week’s schedule answering the 5W’s and H. And then we talk. Like really talk. About fears, feelings, dreams, plans.  

During this Stay at Home order, we have also instituted a 5:00 Happy Hour a few nights a week, which has been so fun and necessary! Since we aren’t rushing to get the kids fed in order to get to baseball or soccer, or any of the other twelve possible commitments we previously had on any given night, we are taking time to laugh, flirt, chat, while enjoying an adult beverage and spending time together while the kids run wild. It’s perfect.

How can YOU be intentional with how you schedule time with your spouse? How can you wield this time to your advantage? If you don’t just want to be roommates or ship that pass in the night, you have to be willing to put work, kids, hobbies and even other people aside to make time with them a priority. Are you ready? 

We do something together

While it’s nice to Netflix and Chill, that doesn’t necessarily help build a thriving marriage.  It’s good to be comfortable with one another, and it’s great to relax together, but how do you avoid a marriage filled with predictability that becomes the void of gain and pursuit? 

There’s this quote that hangs in our bedroom by Antoine de Saint Exupery, “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Think about all the times you’ve worked hand-in-hand with someone. Side by side working towards building something together. What happens? Growth happens. Change happens. A strong foundation is built. Love, respect, and memories are cultivated. 

So what are you are your spouse doing and/or building together? We’ve dabbled with a few things while in quarantine. We’ve goofed around by making Tik-Tok videos together, we’ve shared workouts, and we launched our website and blog in preparation for our podcast.

Our “something” right now is a podcast, but that’s us. What’s yours? It could be anything! I’ve seen people finishing their basement, planting gardens, and adding a dog to the family, cooking together, starting a book club. It doesn’t matter exactly what it is. It’s more about finding the time and the space to dream about something you want and work towards achieving it together. 

It boils down to intentionality

These steps of intentionality are what the two of us are always shooting for. Does it happen ALL the time? Every day? No. Why? Because… life, work, kids, and sheer exhaustion. But when intentionality is a part of the plan, then at least we have a fighting chance. That’s the basket. That’s our aim. We are always shooting for these things. And at times, we are very consistent and on fire. When you know where to shoot and where to aim, then you take the time to plan how to get there.  We are shooting for a thriving marriage. What are you shooting for?

When we all look back on this unique time in our lives and at our relationship with our spouse, whether it’s a year from now, five years from now, ten years from now, how do we want to remember it? What story do we want to be able to tell? 

 

 

This is the first post in a three-part series. Read about loving your spouse and loving your kids, too!

In this three-part series titled “Love in the Time of Corona,” why on Earth would I start with how I’m loving myself? Here’s why!

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? I have continued to see this more and more in my journey as a wife, mother, and entrepreneur. And, if I am completely honest, at times, I play the “martyr card.” I wear it as a badge of honor every time I give up what I need to make sure someone else has what they need. 

But you know what I’ve decided? That is no longer a badge I want to wear. 

These feelings of running on empty prompted me to change my mindset and my routine at the start of 2020. Do you know what I found? I found freedom, fulfillment, and balance, AND it’s making me better in all my domains. We can CHOOSE to fill our tanks. It’s not selfish and it’s not wrong. It’s a necessity. 

If you are looking for freedom, fulfillment and balance, you’ve got to start with YOU!

 

Loving Yourself Starts with Knowing Yourself

Self-awareness is defined as having a clear perception of your personality–your strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivations, and emotions. 

But self-awareness isn’t just who we think we are (internally). It’s also who we’ve proven we are to others (externally). Self-awareness allows you to understand how other people perceive you, your attitude, and your responses to them. 

How does your behavior and attitude reflect who you are (and not just who you say you are)? *Yes, insert punch in the gut here.* 

When we see ourselves clearly, we become more confident, we make better decisions, we are better able to maintain healthy relationships, and we can communicate more effectively. When we know who we are, we can confidently be who we are instead of spending time trying to be who others think we should be. And most importantly, when we know who we are, it is much easier to know what we need to be happy. 

Side Note: we need to acknowledge that who we are and what we need may change over time. Who I was ten years ago at 27 is the not the same person I am now at 37. And, what I needed then, isn’t the same as what I need now to thrive. So, if it’s been a while since you really took a moment to think about who you are, what you want, and what you need to thrive, you’re going to need to ask yourself, “Who am I TODAY?”

 

Self-Awareness Leads to Self-Love

So what’s the difference between self-awareness and self-love? If self-awareness is knowing who you are and what your needs are, then self-love is a regard for your own happiness.

According to Andrea Brandt, PHD, MFT “Self-love means giving yourself what your body, brain, and soul needs for the marathon that is life. It isn’t…chasing a physical or emotional high. The practice of self-love is the practice of nourishing yourself.”

I bet if I asked you what your kids, your spouse, your mother, or your friend needed to feel love, you’d have a specific answer. What I was surprised to find this year was that I didn’t have a list of answers for myself. I never took the time to think about myself in that way. I often worried too much about what other people needed, ignoring my own needs. 

Can you relate? If you came up with a list, what would it look like?

As I prepared for 2020, this is how I decided to give my body, my brain, and my soul what it needed for the marathon of life.  

I started waking up at 4:45am. And I’ll have you note, I am not, nor have I ever been, a morning person. (Jordan laughed at me when I told him I was going to commit to this.) So why did I start doing this? I decided that I needed time in the morning to be alone, to work out (thanks to SPENGA Bloomingdale for being a HUGE part of this), to drink coffee uninterrupted, and to have a chance to sit quietly with my thoughts. It puts me in the right frame of mind, makes me happier, and helps me prepare myself for the melee of my mornings around here. 

I began carving out time each week to connect. For a while, I felt isolated. I gave up my teaching career after having our first born, and then proceeded to have three more. And while my children are my world, I was often alone with them desiring more adult interaction and connection. 

As I’ve gotten older, I have seen the necessity of having friends—good people who I trust, who trust me. People I can lean on, and people who lean on me. I want to rub elbows with people who challenge me to be better, braver, bolder, and people who are there to catch me when I fall. My friends bring me joy, they allow me to have fun, to be me (the me I am when I’m not mom), and they allow for commiseration. 

I started scheduling intentional time with Jordan. I know “scheduling” time with a spouse sounds silly and so unromantic, but with four kids, careers, social commitments, etc., sometimes it’s hard to actually talk to one another about anything other than who needs to be at what sport at what time. We’ve chosen Monday nights as our “date nights on the couch.” By the time all four of our kids are in bed it’s 9:00, and to be honest, we are tired. It’s easy to pick up my phone and scroll through my social media feeds, or to be content turning on Netflix. So instead, we’ve decided to put in the work. To prioritize face-to-face interaction and intentionality.

We start with a bit of “chat” regarding the 5 W’s of the week and then we go deep. We’ve never been more open an honest about who we are, what we need, and how we are tackling our goals and dreams and plans, together.

We still go out on date nights, where we relax and have fun, but Monday nights have been special. They have allowed us to maintain a strong foundation for a relationship that is built to last.

Let’s Talk About You 

If you are safe at home, but seem to be struggling, maybe it’s time to prioritize some self-care in to your daily routine. Here are some suggestions of ways you can care for yourself.

Make time for yourself. Although being home right now has so many advantages, it leaves little room for to clear our minds and be alone. We need to intentionally carve out time and space to rest and recharge! Maybe it’s only on hour. And maybe it’s on the floor of your bedroom closet with a glass of wine and a snickers bar .Tell your spouse what you need. Hand your kids a screen. There’s not judgement here. Do what you gotta do.  

Make healthy choices. We all thrive when we get adequate rest, move our bodies, and eat right. But it’s hard. Anyone find that they are staying up too late? Sleeping in? What about your body? The gyms are closed, so what are you doing to stay active? And what about food? Are we eating all the things…in moderation? If you can’t keep yourself accountable, then find someone you trust that will.

Stick to a routine. Being confined to our homes makes it difficult to keep ourselves adhering to normal routines and schedules. Sticking to your regular routines and rhythms may help you feel better, and fuel your mind and body for taking on the challenges of our new normal. 

Be realistic. I run a pretty tight ship at my house. I like things clean and in order. I like to control and manage schedules and routines so that everyone is thriving. But really, under the current circumstances, none of this is realistic. My house isn’t going to be neat, clean and in order (like it is when my precious babes are gone at school all day). My kids aren’t always going to be happy or on task, and frankly, neither am I. Our mantra around here lately is that everyone needs to “do their best.”  And, on the days when our best just isn’t good enough? Well, then we ALL need to give ourselves some grace. We need to acknowledge our shortcomings and try to do better next time. 

Do things you enjoy. When was the last time you took the time to something you enjoy? And I’m not talking about your 7:00 glass of wine. When was the last time you read a book or sung karaoke? Maybe it’s been a LONG while. Maybe it’s been so long you can’t even remember what you like to do, or what you used to do before kids. Carpe Diem! Seize the day and try going back to old hobbies or starting new ones. Find an outlet and let loose.

 

Self-Care Leads to the Ability to Care for Others

Here’s the real reason we need to take care of ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves so that we are able to help take care of others. Because life isn’t just about us. When we are fueled, fed, fulfilled and healthy, it makes it so much easier to care for others and to help cultivate a community and a world that is better because of you. When we fill our tank, we have more joy, more energy, more strength, and more life to give. When you care for yourself, it’s not just about you. 

When your cup is full, you’ll have enough to pour out in to the people and to the places around you.

 

Permission 

For me, you know what this all boiled down to? Permission. Giving myself the permission to do what I needed to do, for me. For a long time, I was waiting for someone else to do it. So, in case you’re like me, here it is. Here’s me giving YOU the permission to say what you need and to do what you need to do – to be the best version of you.

 

 

This is the first of a series of short posts exploring life and love during these unprecedented times of COVID-19.

To say that the past month has been a strange one would be an extreme understatement. I can’t actually tell you how many days the “Stay At Home” order has been in effect in Illinois. Or how many days my children have been home from school. To be totally honest, I’m not even sure what day of the week it is. And I’m not really sure if those statements should scare me or not.

For the first time, in a very long time, I feel at ease. Which is odd for me. I’m a planner, with a color-coordinated calendar of my children’s schedules and activities. I have a list of daily tasks and to-do’s for my own personal business (which has come to an abrupt halt amid Corona), as well as for my home, my family, and myself. While this change to our life, routines, and schedules has been an adjustment, we are still choosing to live a life on purpose around here. And that’s not something that just happens.

Choosing to live in the here and in the now isn’t easy. As strange, awkward, and uncomfortable as it is, we are choosing to see the immense opportunity we have been given. Now is the time to see this as a unique gift. Won’t you join us?

No time like the present

Do you know what the biggest catalyst for change is? It’s a pivotal moment. And if this moment in time isn’t pivotal, I’m not sure what else is. Maybe life looks no different to you than it did before. But maybe it should. While we are here, while we are in this, life doesn’t need to be put on pause.

It’s time to stop waiting for what happens after this is over. It’s time to continue living, to continue thriving, and to continue pursuing a life that is worth living. It’s not about who we want to be when life goes back to normal as much as it is about what we want our new normal to be after this is over.

People really are taking advantage of this extra time at home by doing things they never get to—cleaning out closets and dressers, rebuilding decks and finishing basements. We are all taking time to refresh and rebuild our homes, but what are we doing to refocus and refresh our goals, dreams, passions and our lives?

I want to challenge you to use some of this time to look at yourself and your life. What will we decided to cast aside? What things and stuff are no longer necessary? What no longer serves us? What are things that we will decide to pursue? These decisions that we make in the here and in the now will be more telling about who we really than anything else ever will. We don’t have to be who we were when this started. The world will need people who are better, braver, and bolder.

Stop complaining

Did you ever notice how easy it is to complain? I don’t remember ever having to teach any of my children to whine or cry or complain. I do, however, remember teaching them how to choose joy and how to learn to persevere.

It would be very easy to sit here and complain about all the things that have been “taken away” from us, or all the ways life isn’t meeting our expectations during this time. It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to moan.  But it takes effort to rise up. To do hard things.

So let’s just stop. Stop dead in your tracks right now and make a list.  What are you GRATEFUL for today. Let’s start with gratitude. List the people, the places, the things, the stuff—big and small. List the lessons you’ve learned so far — those truths, as cliché as they sound, that really resonate with you right now.

Don’t you already feel better?

Take inventory

Now that you’re in the right head space, it’s time to take inventory. No, not an inventory of your groceries or toilet paper. Because let’s be real, we all have more than enough toilet paper and pasta in our closets and cupboards. It’s time to get to work.

This isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s going to take some time to really do this, so be prepared. It may take multiple attempts. You may not even know the answers at first. And that’s ok. It’s ok to sit alone with your thoughts and wrestle to find the answers you may have been putting off.

First, try taking an inventory of your health, your friends, your finances, your spiritual and personal growth, you relationship with your spouse or significant other, your family, your job, and your hobbies. Rate each one from one to ten. What areas are strong? What areas are weak? Why?

Make note of your strengths, but look for areas that need time and effort and growth and focus in on those. Then, ask yourself, what’s working right now and what’s not? 

Lastly, look at your passions and your fears. What fires you up? If you could do anything, what would you do? And why would you do it?  What are you afraid of? What’s holding you back?

These are BIG questions, and it make take you a long time to figure out that answers. And that’s ok because for most of us right now, we have all the time in the world.

Take advantage

There’s no time like the present to decide what your new normal will be. We ultimately have three options; freeze, flee or fight. You can freeze and let this crisis overwhelm you. You can flee and pretend it’s not happening. Or, you can fight and emerge stronger than you were. Consider the current present a gift and get started.  

Will it be perfect? No. Will you have all the answers? Also no. But you can’t let that stop you or hold you back from taking the first step in the right direction. It’s in our attempts that learning and growing begin. Better to run scared toward something, than to run scared from it.

So ask yourself, who are you? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? And once you’ve figured that out. Then it’s time to START doing and to START being. Will you be bold enough to relentlessly pursue a life that matters? We hope you will.