Rosanna 0:15
Welcome to season three, Episode Three of the relentless pursuit podcast: Everyday Self Care with Julie Gentile. Before we get into today’s episode, I thought we would just give you a little reminder of where we are, it is the month of February, which we’re calling love month, thanks to Valentine’s Day. And if you’ve been with us, the two weeks prior, you know that week one was all about “your person,” your people, you know, how do you love them? How do you show up for them and being vulnerable with them. Week two, we talked about loving thy neighbor. And we brought in that definition of neighbor to include everyone and anyone. So there’s a challenge there in how we treat all of those around us. And now this week, we’re focusing on loving ourselves with self care with Julie G. And then next week, we will end this four week love month with the book, Everybody Always. And it’s about loving difficult people.

Jordan 1:08
So if you haven’t picked that up yet, I know that we’ll be talking about that next week, you’re welcome to read that book along with us. And we’ll be sharing some of our thoughts and reflections after enjoying that text. You know, this week is important, because I think it’s a great idea to focus on the concept of love. And you know, especially when I think there’s a lot that we take for granted and a lot that makes us forget about this amazing experience that we can have as humans. And we can both give and receive love as a gift. But there’s a lot of fear and uncertainty and anxieties that persist. And so helping us stay grounded in what truly matters. I think it’s a great platform for launching this third season.

Rosanna 1:51
Yeah, we’re often so focused on taking care of others, we kind of forget neglect to take care of ourselves. So that’s why I’m excited about this week’s episode. And it reminds me of when you’re on an airplane. I haven’t been on an airplane in a while. But what happens in emergency when the masks come down? What do they direct you to do? They direct you to put your mask on first before helping someone else with their mask. And so we have to remember to be kind to ourselves to remember that we’re human beings and it’s okay to not always be doing and doing for others.

Jordan 2:18
You’re almost more good to others when you are also good to yourself too, and I think we forget that more good. You’re gooder.

Yeah. All right, so this week, we had the privilege of having a really fantastic informative conversation with Julie Gentile. And a little bit about Julie, she is an award winning author, yoga instructor and self care advocate. Her books include 108 Yoga and Self Care Practices for Busy Mamas and How to Stay Calm in the Chaos an Everyday Self Care Guide, which you’ll hear us talk about on the show today. She received the 2019 bronze medal in the exercise fitness yoga category from IPP why living now Book Awards, which recognizes books for better living and authors changing lives and changing the world. And she’s also a 2019 book excellence awards finalist in the mind body spirit category for her book 108 Yoga and self care practices for busy mamas. She’s been featured in numerous media and has many published articles and has been a guest on the Chicago Parent Masters and Parenting Podcast and the Strong as Mothers podcast. You can learn more about her and benefit from her works by subscribing to her nourish note, to get a monthly boost of self care, self care by visiting her blog, which is www.JulieGtheYogi.com. And you can also find her on her YouTube channel, which is “Stand Up For Your Self-Care” where she maintains, which she maintains in addition to being a wife, a full time working mom of two young children. So we hope you enjoy the upcoming interview. And don’t forget to stick around afterwards for a few thoughts and takeaways that we’re sending I have.

Rosanna 4:05
Hi Julie, welcome to the show.

Julie G 4:07
Hello, how are you?

Rosanna 4:09
We’re great. It’s so great to have you on here. We’re really looking forward to today’s conversation. As you know, the relentless pursuit is all about taking life off autopilot and pursuing a life worth living. And I feel like you definitely embody kind of that that mantra that we have, you know, your marketing and communications guru. You’re but you’re also a wife, a mom, you’re a speaker, you’re an author, you’re a yogi, you’re a self care like know it all – in a good way. You know, how do you how do you have time like we’re interviewing you now and and you’ve got all of this, you know, how do you find the time to pursue what you love amongst all of the different hats that you wear?

Julie G 4:47
Well, first of all, thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here and to talk about one of my favorite topics. self care, and self care is the reason why I’m here and self care is the reason why I’m able to do everything I do. So it helps bring balance to a busy day. And you would think it would be, you know, you’re just adding one more thing to the to do list, but self care doesn’t take time it actually gives me time.

Rosanna 5:11
Okay, so maybe we should start off with, you know, defining self care, you know, how would you define it? And what is it for people who really aren’t, like aware of what it is and what, how it can play a big role in people’s lives?

Julie G 5:25
Yeah, so self care is how we show ourselves love. It goes beyond brushing your teeth, and taking a shower. And self care is really looking out for our own well being. And it’s really anything we do that nourishes our whole being. So that’s physically, emotionally, spiritually and beyond that brings our minds, our bodies, our spirits into a greater state of balance. Self Care is this evolving, lifelong journey. So it’s not like we practice it one day, and we’re like, we’re good to go. See you later. So it’s ongoing practice, which makes it so beautiful and exciting, because it’s constantly unfolding. I look at self care as how kind and loving Can I be to myself today, and I often will ask myself that question. And so I do often describe self care in terms of a bucket. So just for a moment, if you will, visualize a bucket in your favorite color or pattern. And every time you do something for self care, such as exercising, imagine a little drop being added to your bucket. And eventually, you’ll add so many drops to your bucket that your self care starts to overflow, right, so this bucket starts to overflow. And because you gave to yourself now, it’s so much easier, seamless, effortless to give to others.

Rosanna 6:50
Yeah, do you think that self care is more of like a modern concept? Like, do you think the emergence of this as an idea is more prevalent now, because of the way our lives our lives, how they’re filled the infiltration of technology, or even generally- generationally, like our obsession with like, work and achievement?

Julie G 7:10
Yeah, so self care is definitely a buzzword these days. It’s a trendy word, we hear it probably every day. And it’s just important to note that it’s not a modern concept. When we look at ayurveda, which is the sister science of yoga, and one of the world’s oldest medical traditions, which originated in India around the time yoga did about 5000 years ago, we can see that the idea of self care isn’t new. Ayurveda literally means the science of life. And although it’s a practice developed in ancient times, it very much still applies today. Ayurveda is this personalized approach to well being and longevity, that incorporates well being routines into daily life, there are so many things our beta teaches us when it comes to self care, including living in alignment with nature. So working when it’s daytime, and sleeping, when it’s nighttime. Now, that might seem simple, but it isn’t to everybody. In it’s a modern concept that we can grocery shop at midnight.

Jordan 8:15
Yeah, it’s like easier said than done. It’s like, Yeah, that makes sense. But at the same time, like we do have so many communication tools, and so much technology, and we have lights, and so that really over the last 100 years is really like changed that that rhythm that a lot of life may have been accustomed to previously.

Julie G 8:32
Absolutely. And while that may be beneficial to our modern schedules, it’s it might not be beneficial to our overall well being. So you know, and many of us are doing more, we’re achieving more, we’re setting more goals than ever before, which is why we need to balance all of that with self care, which is why I also mentioned, I’m able to do what I do with self care, because I make I interweave it into my life. And so, you know, we a lot of us have heard we’re not human beings, we’re human, or we’re not. We’re human beings. We’re not human doings, right, and so a lot of us are doing. And technology certainly makes our lives easier in so many ways, right? We’ve learned that over the last year. Right? We’re also doing more because of technology. And we’ve definitely learned that over the last year, you know, we can stay up all night and watch TV if we really wanted to. And we can be on every social media channel and still not feel caught up. Our devices aren’t everything, but it certainly seems that way because we rely on them so much. And I always say that the only time I ever see people without a phone is in a yoga class.

Rosanna 9:41
You might you might be very right about that.

Jordan 9:44
So I mean, one of the things that comes to mind as you’re describing this is that, you know, in some ways we can be very, I would say like selfish even in a good way with you know, kind of spending money on ourselves or really doing something that we want, but I think maybe the idea of self care can often get to the bottom of a priority list too. So like, why do you think that is, if it’s so important for us, how come there’s a lot of other things that seem to take priority?

Julie G 10:10
Because a lot of us are innate caretakers and want to care for the others in our lives, right. And so we often hear, we can’t fill up other’s lives unless we’re filling up our own cup. And so you know, it’s so easy to put exercise at the end of your list, it’s so easy to even not have it on the list. Because as a modern day adult, you have so much going on. And it’s just if you’re not prioritizing exercise, let’s say in the morning, or if you know, you’re going to exercise during lunchtime, it’ll, it’s so easy for it to fall off the list. And, you know, it’s it’s important to note as well that it does fall off the list one day, it doesn’t mean that’s how it’s going to be the next day, you can just pick up where you left off the next day. And so it’s just like anything else. It’s this constant practice and getting into the habit, and I call it the habit of self care, or the cycle of self care.

Rosanna 11:06
Yeah, well, that’s what I was going to ask you is how important are routines for self care? Like do you think it’s important to establish a routine so that yeah, if you miss a day, it’s not a big deal. But it’s, it’s part of the plan. So when it’s part of the plan, you’re like, is it easier to get to it than when it’s not part of the plan at all?

Julie G 11:23
It’s definitely easier to get to it, if it’s already built in to your day. Self care routines do help set the foundation of your well being. There’s not just one self care routine, though, even though we all have the same basic requirements of seven to nine hours of sleep every night, eating healthy meals and include fruits and vegetables, drinking plenty of water, exercising and moving more, right. Those are the basics of self care. Self care practices are highly individualized. So no two people will have the exact same self care routine. And that’s because we’re really drawn to different things that inspire us to stay well. So for some folks, it might be a walk in nature outside to start their day. And that’s wonderful, right? Because they’re able to look forward to that, right. So I think sometimes that’s what’s missing. And some of the self care practices where we’re feeling maybe a little bit forced, it’s, instead of feeling like, Oh, I have to do this, if I’m excited to do this, right, I’m excited to wake up and get up and start my day in this way. So whatever it is, for you that walk outside, or journaling, or meditation, there’s something for everyone, literally, when it comes to self care. You know, and it’s also important to share that ultimately, we’re responsible, we’re responsible for making self care habit, we’re in charge of our own self care. That’s a big responsibility. But at the same time, it’s also empowering.

Rosanna 12:47
Yeah, and I think I’ve found or at least for us, over the last couple years, busy schedules, kids careers, whatever it is, is that you almost have to try a bunch of different things to figure out what works for you. So yeah, is it a walk? Is it yoga? Is it you know, a heavy lift exercise? Is it like, what is it and so trying on different things to find what kind of like sets sets you on fire a little bit that excites you?

Julie G 13:10
Yeah. And it’s absolutely a lab. It’s the lab of life, right? And self care practices are going to change with you in your season of life, maybe in the season outside, right? Because if it’s snowing or icy on the ground, we’re not going to be walking outside. But we what can we do and bring indoors, right? Or what what else can we do to bring that mind body balance back to us? Right? Because that’s what we’re seeking constantly. And it is this juggle? It is this juggle? Because as new things come into your life, and other things you let go of it is going to constantly be this evolving practice.

Rosanna 13:43
Yeah, definitely an ebb and flow.

Jordan 13:44
I have two questions that come to mind. The first is, as I reflect on some things that I’ve been doing over the past year…maybe you can comment on this. I have found that there’s certain things that I’ve been doing that I don’t like the process of doing them. But when it’s done, I’m glad I did. So exercise, namely, and in other episodes, I’ve griped about this a little bit where I’m very proud of myself for like maintaining that routine. And at the end of every exercise, I’m like, I’m glad I did it. I glad it’s like I feel great. But during it, it feels like such a chore. And there are other things like that, that I could make comparable. So I don’t know if that’s an appropriate like stance to have if I would, you know, label it as self care or like what what’s your take on that?

Julie G 14:30
Yeah, so it totally makes sense that after the exercise, you feel great, because you’re getting that endorphin boost, right. So we’re moving our bodies, we’re getting that endorphin boost. But going into it, that’s the mindset that we really have to analyze. So asking yourself, why am I feeling forced doing this? or Why do I feel this way? Right. And so it’s, it’s constantly checking in with yourself and really knowing yourself and saying, maybe I like swimming more. Or maybe there’s another exercise that I really like more that I get excited excited about? And also had that same endorphin boost at the end, right. So can I ask what is your favorite action? What are some of your favorite exercises?

Jordan 15:07
Well, I’m I’m very glad to announce that yoga has been rising on my list. So I’d like to talk about that a little bit more today. And I know I’ve been doing, we subscribe to Beachbodyondemand.com. And so I’m able to like cycle through a few of their programs and like, but they’re all similar in the sense that like, if I’m lifting weights or doing some kind of like cardio workout, it is like, I can’t wait for it to be –

Rosanna 15:35
Well it’s at the edge of your comfort zone. It’s more like pullback and not sweat in that push. But –

Jordan 15:40
But then after a month of it, then I’m like, you know, I’m proud of the work that I put into it. I’m going to continue this but waking up and being like, maybe I could skip today is just part of that daily battle too. And if I were being honest, it’s like, well, what am I comfortable with? What is true self care? For me? It’s skipping the exercise and eating a giant Cinnabon. Right?

Julie G 16:02
Yeah, and that might be what you need in that moment, right? It is all about that balance, right? And I always go back to that definition of the mind-body-spirit balance. Maybe it isn’t the one that you need that day. Maybe it’s something else that you haven’t even explored, right? Because again, it’s this there’s all of these tools, right? And what is in your self care toolbox. And, you know, I know that I’m constantly adding adding myself to your toolbox and learning new things so that I can keep it fresh. I can keep it exciting when it comes to my self care practices. But I also have mainstays that I know that I’m excited to do them, right. Not always as excited. But I am excited to do them every day. I look forward to it with some of my mainstays. But also, you know, I don’t feel forced, typically when I’m doing self care when I’m practicing self care, because it really I, I go back to that kind of loving, am I being toward myself, and if it’s I want to run today, then I won’t I’ll choose to walk or I’ll choose to dance around and listen to music. Right?

Rosanna 17:00
Well, and that’s what I’ve seen with you too, is you lift pretty heavier do cardio, but there are certain days that he programs into his routine to yoga. And he you know, he gets up and he just does like a 30 minute yoga, or if he misses it in the morning, because he needs a little extra sleep. Then he comes home and after dinner, it’s weren’t all in the basement with the kids doing a yoga.

Jordan 17:18
It’s been a rough day – I need my yoga break!

Julie G 17:21
When I asked you when you’re practicing yoga, especially in the morning, how does that set the tone for your day?

Jordan 17:29
It’s, it feels similar to some of the exercises in the sense that like, okay, like I feel good that I’ve taken care of my body for the day. And before it’s so especially like it when I do it first thing in the morning. So then no matter else what happens that day, I can look back and be alright: I have I have been proactive with my day in that sense.

Rosanna 17:51
And you’ve taken some time for yourself, which is comes at a you know, high premium around here that that doesn’t always happen. Yeah. Because we’re both getting up early before the sun is up and before the kids are up to get workouts in. And for us that’s, you know, when the alarm goes off, or before you wake up for the alarm, you say no, but when you say yes, ultimately it sets the tone for the day. So yeah –

Julie G 18:11
And we talked about ayurveda which I mentioned, and you’re waking up before the sun, that is that’s an ayurvedic practice. And you might not even realize that it is waking up right before the sun or with it. Because really, you’re you’re already help setting the tone for the day by waking up at that time. Because you’re you’re ready to go right when you wake up. So –

Rosanna 18:30
Yeah, I was just reading atomic habits by James clear. And they talked about like things that you can do atomic habits that kind of help build a successful life. And that’s, you know, one of the practices is waking up before the sun and starting so. But speaking of books, let’s transition over to your book, How to Stay calm in the chaos, which you wrote at the start of the pandemic and have had published, a great read, very accessible, very straightforward. And your book has seven guiding principles, one for each day of the week to help us all like mindfully move forward. And I think that’s kind of one of the things we’ve been talking about. Moving into 2021 is mindfully moving forward, this year is going to be a mixed bag of kind of like 2020. But knowing that how can we move forward gracefully healthy and positively. So let’s talk through some of those principles and help our listeners be better equipped to kind of navigate what what lies before us.

Julie G 19:27
Yeah, wonderful. So the way that I designed this book was to share a theme or a practice really an intention, if you will, every day of the week. So there are seven main themes in the book. And the first one is to stay present. So it starts us off with the week already staying present and practicing that because staying present is not easy to do, in this modern world. We all know this, right? As parents as adults, it’s just not easy to stay present even for kids. So staying present is hard because there’s so much that needs to get done every day, or at least we often perceive it that way, right? We have hundreds of things on our to do list. And we’re like, oh, we need to at least get through half of it. But maybe that’s not the case. So it might require a mindset shift, right. And so there is so much noise coming in and out from our external world. We’re interrupted constantly with text messages, phone notifications, social media, notifications, we’re trying to multitask and be everything to everyone. But we need grounding more than anything. And we deserve to be grounded. That sounds kind of funny, right? We deserve to be grounded. But meditation and mindfulness help us stay present where life is happening right here, right now. We’re essentially taking time in the chaos, even though it’s still swirling all around, to focus on our breath. And to just be.

Rosanna 20:55
Yeah, in your book, you say doing less helps you stay present. And for me, that is not that’s not my default to do less.

Jordan 21:02
I feel like even maybe even culturally, to like even to use phrases like, Alright, I’m going to do less, or even what you said, like the phrase “I deserve,” I think that we often don’t feel allowed to say those kinds of things.

Rosanna 21:16
Yeah, or human being versus doing I’m like, I’m definitely a doer. So my planner, like has the week laid out, and I’ve got where, who needs to be where and on the side, it’s like life to dos. And then it says work to do. So like, I fill in all of those slots. And like, my goal is always to, like, get them done. And I used to be like, Alright, let me get all 80 of these done on Monday. And now like, I’m just kind of shifting this mentality of like, these are the things that I would like to get done, nothing is urgent. So let’s see, like, what I can cross off and what doesn’t get crossed off gets moved to the next week’s list. So yeah, you know, and giving myself the the ability to do that. And that this is like a huge shift for me in the last year. Like, you don’t have to do it all between eight and 10am –

Jordan 21:58
Changing what you’re like permitting yourself to to do or to not do.

Rosanna 22:02
but for the sake sake of being present for my kids who are here, most of the time learning for my two year old, who, you know, is not engaged on a screen for school and a host of other things, you know.

Julie G 22:12
Yeah. And that’s definitely a great distinction that you made, I always share that we don’t have to earn self care, we should automatically just get it, right. I mean, it’s, it’s a privilege to take care of ourselves. But just because we do more and more and more things, it doesn’t mean we get more and more self care, the self care really should be there anyway, because that’s what’s going to help us keep going, that’s what’s gonna help energize us, that’s what’s gonna, you know, thinking about that bucket, again, we’re filling ourselves up first, so that we can more effortlessly, right, give back to others. You know, in so many ways, it doesn’t have to just even be one way. But it isn’t, you know, it definitely is great to share that, you know, I don’t have to do all of this in one day, even if that’s my expectation, but really why oftentimes, we we put the most pressure on ourselves, more pressure on ourselves than anybody else, you know what, but our kids noticed this, too. And so, you know, oftentimes, kids are looking at our laptops, right, the back of our laptops more than they’re seeing our faces. And that’s just the reality for so many modern parents. And that’s why I think it’s important for kids to see the balance. You practicing the self care, you exercising, meditating, ask them to join you making kale chips, I mean, whatever it is that you’re doing in your house to practice self care, how can we raise the next generation so that they have a more balanced approach to technology and work? Right, they’re seeing their parents, you know, kind of move through this or, you know, their caretakers kind of move through life – but how can we raise them to continue this cycle of self care? So it doesn’t stop with us? It continues on.

Rosanna 23:49
Yeah, that’s a conversation that our kids have now realized, you know, they’re logged on line. And then we have a break for lunch. And every day, and even though it’s been cold and snowing, and it’s slushy, outside, we walk. And they’re like, why do we have to go it’s cold, and it’s good to get away from our screens, it’s good to like, take a breath of fresh air to let your body around and to move your body. And some days they are happily skipping along and other days I’m you know, dragging a stroller, a dog and a six and a an eight year old and you know, they don’t want to go but I said it’s it’s the consistency of doing this is good for us. It’s, you know, a good break. And so I don’t really know that they understand it. But I hope that that’s something that they learn to appreciate. And remember, and then practice long term for themselves.

Jordan 24:30
It seems like what we’re modeling for the user just like what we do, then they they see that and then like we’ve said before, like just the example of the tone that we set. So even even taking care of ourselves is a way of taking care of them in that way too.

Julie G 24:43
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Kids are gonna grow up knowing that that’s just part of being you know, in this world that self care is part of you know, who they are becoming and who they will be.

Jordan 24:55
There’s something that you mentioned earlier in our conversation about how self care gives you time. And now like we’re kind of talking about just being being present, being grounded. So I was wondering, just for our listeners, if you can explain like what you meant by, like, how kind of taking time also gives you time, in that sense.

Julie G 25:13
Yes, yes. So essentially, I’ll provide meditation as an example, I meditate every morning before I even open my bedroom door. And typically, it’s a five to 10 minute meditation practice. And this meditation practice is an example of groundedness to start my day, but I’m able to in whatever meditation practice I’m practicing, because I practice several, I’m able to just really be present mindful right in the moment. And because I’m able to have that presence with myself, everything else seems easier. So that means that I can maybe respond to emails quicker, or I can, you know, I mean, like, I’m just a lot more efficient, because I took that time. So I’m essentially saving my time in the long run, because I took those five minutes in the morning to meditate. Whereas if I didn’t meditate, I would notice, there really aren’t any days that go by without me meditating. Because I know that if I don’t, I know how I feel. And so the feeling is, you know, I feel maybe not as caught up because I didn’t take those moments of, you know, grounding and presence. And it’s, it’s just a little bit tougher, right? It feels different. It feels off to try to get through the day in my you know, my normal way. And so, so really, those first few moments of the day, helps set the tone for the rest of it, and do save me time, in the long run, so that I am more efficient, more seamless, things are just coming to me more effortless, effortlessly, right, because I’ve already set I’ve set that tone.

Rosanna 26:10
When I was talking with a friend the other day, and she was talking about how her husband had just tried to kind of light the fire under her like instead of waking up after the kids wake up, or waking up to the kids asking for cereal, like, I know you don’t want to wake up any earlier. But maybe doing that and giving yourself five to 10 minutes, like alone with a cup of coffee just to kind of like just to ground yourself just to be present will help you like kind of breathe through it. And then like when the kids are up, then you’re like ready to go. Because you’ve had that moment to yourself instead of feeling like you’re playing catch up.

Julie G 27:26
Absolutely. That’s the point. It’s you’re you’re not catching up, then at that point, you’re feeling calmer, right? And you’re not feeling like everything is so chaotic, you’re you you’re already coming into it into life in a more calm way.

Jordan 27:39
And that just makes me think of the terms like proactive or reactive and kind of going back to what we’re saying about me like liking to start my morning with exercise, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. But I’ve been like proactive in the day. And I think this is where a lot of people struggle like with social media or phones, like as soon as they wake up, they’re even supposedly before their out of bed like they’re on their phone, and then that it kind of makes you It puts you in a reactive position. And that’s that’s a tough position to wake up to day in and day out.

Rosanna 28:10
Yeah. Or to feel like you’re thriving, when you’re reacting to other people’s responses or their posts.

Jordan 28:15
And you’re not in the driver’s seat.

Julie G 28:16
And how do you feel to in your own heart right, we all hold our attention typically in different spots. But you know, when you are in those reactive moments, it’s important to know and really be mindful and aware of where you feel that in your body. And oftentimes you can identify Oh, I feel that my heart or I feel that my shoulders Oh, I feel that feel that my upper belly. And that’s not a great feeling to go through life that day right in a clenched way. We want to be more open and receptive to our day instead of already right tightened clenched.

Jordan 28:45
Yeah, I think that’s interesting, that relationship between our our emotions and our mind and then our body too.

Rosanna 28:51
Let’s move on into staying motivated. That’s that second intention that you have for Tuesday, correct to staying motivated. Once you’ve been launched into the week and you’re you’re going through Monday, you’re staying present? How do you stay motivated to get through the week when things get tough?

Julie G 29:08
Yeah, so really, we Monday really was the stay motivated practice? Because you know, there’s that motivation Monday, out there that everyone’s like, oh, how do you stay motivated on Monday? You know, in motivation, it really depends on what motivates you. What’s your Why? What drives you? Is it love? Is it to feel better? Is it something else? What’s your highest purpose in life, which in yoga we call Dharma? And I always ask, what steps can you take to get on that path to connect to your highest purpose? Like why we’re here right now on earth sharing, you know, with each other living this life, it’s important that we have our own inner motivation. And so for example, we’ve talked about exercise – if my motivation is to feel better, I’m going to exercise every morning so that I can start my day with that momentum. So it’s that momentum that’ll keep me going, because I know I feel better right in mind body spirit when I exercise. But other things that helped me stay motivated, are setting intention. So setting intentions are really a core essence in my life, I set short term intention. So for example, I’ll set an intention for my day or even my yoga practice. For more long term goals, I create vision boards, I typically will do annual visual visual boards, vision boards, and based on a word or a theme. And then after the vision board is created, I will look at my vision board every day to just draw inspiration from it. And for the last several years, the vision boards have kept my motivation going.

Jordan 30:45
And it’s helpful because in the short term, like we’re kind of driven by a lot of like, these short term wants like a, you know, I want the piece of cake or I want to sleep in. But I think being reminded of like this, this higher goal that we have is longer term goal that we have helps us maintain those habits through, you know, throughout those short term moments to reach the long term.

Julie G 31:07
Absolutely. Well, and what motivates you?

Jordan 31:12
Depends, actually, I’ll let you answer that first.

Rosanna 31:16
Oh gosh – I think there’s a lot.

Jordan 31:19
We’ve talked about this a lot. I think like, there’s a couple even before we even compete, too. So there’s that just like the love of family. And for us, that is like the just those moments that we know, are transient, so you know, the kids will grow up. So like, we’re very motivated to try to enjoy every, like special opportunity we have with them, that we have with one another. But we’ve also talked to about like this motivation to, I wouldn’t call it to like to work but to like to build something together that we can be proud of. And that’s a longer term goal. And it’s manifested in a lot of different ways over the years, too.

Rosanna 31:59
And yeah, and even to inspire people to take the time to like, sit and communicate in like, in a good way that helps you build that love build that dream build that pursuit where it’s it doesn’t just happen and it’s it doesn’t it’s not arbitrary. It’s it’s through like these thoughtful conversations, you know, it’s intentional, being intentional and inspiring each other to kind of move forward and then hoping that other people see that they have those opportunities as well. Yeah. But what do we do when we’re derailed? You know, we want to stay motivated, you know, never miss a Monday. You know, like, Is it okay to feel that way? Is it okay? Is it normal, that we’re not always motivated? And then what what should our position be when we’re not?

Julie G 32:43
Of course, it’s normal, we’re human. And let’s give ourselves some grace. And then you know what, let’s just get back up and pick up where we left off. Sometimes it’s enough to just show up, and I talk about showing up a lot, because showing up can be the hardest part, because that means we have to make the decision in our minds to do it. You know, I asked often, who do you want to show up as today? And it might be a different answer every day, it might not. But practicing self care gives us a better chance of showing up as the person who we really want to be.

Jordan 33:21
Actually, I really liked that, because that’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot more often to is like, Who do I want to be? And maybe I haven’t asked myself that question enough in the past, but it’s a very practical question, right? Because we we are going to show up as someone, so how in control of who we are at any given moment are we? And it’s nice to have like self care as this practice that really like compels us to ask that question answered in a way that’s affirmed it for us.

Rosanna 33:48
Well I think the second part of that question is, okay, who do I say want to be and then the follow up is, am I who I say I want to be like, Okay, this is who I say I want to be, but do your actions then reflect what you’re saying? Or what you’re telling people you are? So you know, that second question should motivate you to stay committed even when you don’t want to.

Julie G 34:07
Yeah, it’s, it’s about do your actions line up with your values.

Rosanna 34:15
You have any any other thoughts on motivation?

Jordan 34:17
No, I like just being asked these questions. Sometimes. It’s like, Why? I don’t know, I haven’t tried to articulate this before. So keep ’em coming.

Rosanna 34:24
Well, I think a lot of it is, is consistency. And that’s the more I read about it. It’s all about consistency. It’s like sometimes better to show up and not be 100% there, but at least to show up and give what you do have and even if that’s 50 or 60%, like, Alright, I’m doing yoga today. Like I don’t, I don’t feel like it. But I know this is good for me. So, you know, taking a few breaths –

Jordan 34:44
Just do it and tyhe next time you might be 100%.

Rosanna 34:48
Yeah, there’s a show better to show up than to shut down.

Julie G 34:51
Oh, yes, absolutely. And that’s why we call this a practice or a habit. Right. It’s getting into the habit so that maybe we don’t even have I mean, we’re thinking about it right? But where it’s kind of like brushing our teeth, we’re just already going to do it, because it’s built in.

Rosanna 35:06
So then how do we stay flexible? And what role does that play?

Julie G 35:11
So staying flexible, really, it’s interesting, because flexibility comes up a lot. With yoga, you know, I’ll often hear folks say, you know, I’m not gonna come to yoga, you know, or I’m not interested in yoga. And it’s because I’m not flexible. And really, that’s why we come to yoga, it’s to practice that flexibility, both, you know, in our bodies, but also our minds to have this shift in a flexible mindset. And so I can share that flexibility has not always come easy for me. I lean toward being type A, I mean, I had perfect attendance, from kindergarten all through college. And I was, I was a student who did extra credit, even though I had straight A’s. But when I mentioned yoga, my yoga practice has really shifted me toward type B. And while routines are wonderful, and often necessary, because they give structure to our day, even with routines, we have to allow for some space for the unexpected. And that’s where the flexibility comes in. Sometimes we realize that a particular routine in our lives no longer serves us, because we’ve outgrown them. And so getting flexible or practicing flexibility and getting better at it is like anything else, it takes practice to develop this more flexible mindset. And now because I have shifted more with my yoga practice, you know, over the last decade plus, I really have come more into accepting the flexibility and being okay with it. You know, sometimes change comes with resistance, right? So change sometimes brings resistance, and we’re all writing this big wave of change called life, especially right now, especially right now. And it may not look like it right this second, but we’re constantly changing internally and externally, so we’re already flexible, kinda without even knowing it. But again, going back to being flexible is a mindset. And it can help us be more willing to change when necessary, which is important, not just during the pandemic, but in everyday life.

Jordan 37:28
Yeah, I mean, I don’t know if people typically think about it that way as like, I’m almost picturing it as a muscle that can be developed in a sense, but we sometimes think like, either, right, you’re flexible, you’re not. That reminds me of the students I’ve talked to in the past that like, I’m just not a good writer, I’m like, well, that’s why you’re in the class to develop that skill. If you’re already a good writer, you wouldn’t need to be here, you know?

Julie G 37:50
Absolutely. It’s like anything else. It’s, you know, learning a new language playing a new sport, it’s it’s practicing. And over time, you will develop that muscle, like you’re saying, or you will develop into, you know, a more advanced version, you know, and a person who practices this and can, you know, do this skill more easily and effortlessly.

Rosanna 38:13
Yeah, and Ithink about that now, with parenting, you know, now, we’ve got a range of kids from 10 and a half to two and a half. And so I’m really good at being the parent of a two and a half year old because i, this is the fourth one that’s been two and a half. So it’s, you know it and you can anticipate it and so, but like, I I’m having to be flexible, and like kind of grow into this 10 and a half year old parent, and but it’s not just randomly happening, like I’m intentionally like, even like reading books about like, what a boy at 10 needs from his mom, and how do I facilitate that. And so, like, it would be easy for me to just to parent, all of our kids like their two and a half, but, you know, even just based on like, what’s going in the world politically and socially and economically, like, how do we help our kids through that? Well, I have to, like grow into the parent that is going to lead them in that direction. And so it’s not comfortable. And it’s requiring a lot of flexibility, but it’s really, there’s intentionality and mindfulness that’s going towards that.

Julie G 39:09
Yeah, absolutely. And I often come to I approach flexibility in the sense of curiosity. So how can I you know, and I have this curiosity state about me my favorite questions are why and why not. But if I approach it in, you know, in a sense of curiosity, then it brings a different dimension to flexibility so –

Jordan 39:31
So then that’s kind of blends into staying realistic as well. And I think the the idea of being flexible is is how it’s like the, the contrast sometimes between the picture we have in our head of the way things should be and then the reality and being able to adapt to that. So just tell us a little bit about just staying realistic and is each person’s realistic, different?

Julie G 39:57
Yeah, so realistic is going to look different for everyone, because we all have different situations. So we can’t expect ourselves to be just like, you know, a family member or just like a neighbor, we have to be real with our own reality. Right? And and it’s not realistic for everyone’s realistic to be the same. So it’s going back to, okay, who am I? And what am I here to do? And how am I showing up to? How am I showing up today? And that’s going to give you a better sense of what is realistic in your life right now. And really, what’s realistic now can change, just like your self care practices can change.

Rosanna 40:36
As just, there’s a lot of change change is a big word. And it’s really kind of woven through all of us. And it just, it makes me realize, like, how much we do change and how much situations change and how much growth there is. It’s kind of, I don’t know, it’s kind of hit me like, it’s all change, life is all change. And so yeah, how are we? How are we rolling with that long term?

Jordan 40:57
Well, it almost sounds like too like, you know, like, the way you frame it sounds. It’s so simple and so practical. It’s like, of course, that makes sense. But we don’t often just intentionally think about that or or apply it. So it’s almost like we need to acknowledge this upfront. So then when reality does actually take place, we’re not like, so surprised by it. But we can actually, like be the person who we want to be in any given point.

Julie G 41:22
Absolutely. And in a yoga practice, we’re practicing these principles on our mats. But it’s when we walk off our mats, where we are for most of our lives where it applies. So that’s why I, when I’m practicing yoga, I really do embody the mindfulness, I embody all of the different principles of yoga, so that I’m able to practice in a safe space in the four corners of my mat. But the true work, it’s, it’s in the rest of your life, that’s, that’s where the yoga is happening as well. It’s in the rest of your life. And, okay, this makes sense on a yoga mat. But how do I apply what I’m learning about myself and about the world, in the world. So again, going back to that word, practice, it’s you’re gonna, it’s going to be an evolution, you’re kind of constantly learn about your inner world and your external world.

Rosanna 42:09
You know, for years, I didn’t like yoga, it was not interested in yoga, like, it was just like, oh, like, I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything when I was doing it. And now that the fact that we’ve both kind of picked it up separately, and kind of see that value is I mean, it’s really just about like being mindful, because you can go to yoga, and you can walk off your mat, and you can have it not connect, but it is that I mean, any instructor will say, like, Okay, this is what we’re doing on our mat, but how are you going to take this off your mat? How are you going to, like, let it lead you in the avenues that you have areas of focus or passion or, you know, that drive you.

Julie G 42:43
And when you’re talking about setting an intention for your yoga practice, it’s so beautiful, when you could set that intention for a 30 minute yoga class, an hour yoga class, however long your yoga class is, and know that you can carry the intention that you held space for in your heart and in your mind, off the mat. And that’s why I say that’s where the real practice occurs, because then it’s, you know, if your intention was, I’m going to focus on my breath for this next hour in a yoga class. That could be the attention you carry off for the rest of your life for the rest for the rest of that day. And then knowing that, you know, whatever else you’re doing, you have that intention to say, Okay, I’m here in this moment, right now, it might be stressful, might be chaotic, but I’m focusing on my breath, and I’m okay.

Rosanna 43:28
Yeah, you know, your next two tenants, five, and six, I think really go together. Well, it’s stay supported and stay connected. And I think because everyone is managing kind of like their own chaos and this kind of new normal, I feel like it’s more important than ever, for people to speak up if they need help, because so many people have, I feel like have just pulled in because things are hard, that people aren’t always now reaching out in the same ways that they were because it’s hard for them. And so there’s less than their bucket to be able to pour out. Would you agree that if people are struggling, if they need more support that now is a really important time to start reaching out?

Julie G 44:03
Absolutely. We need each other. And if you’re listening to this right now, and you’re in need of help, please ask for help someone out there can help you. You don’t have to do it alone. Even if you think you do, you don’t have to do it alone. There are so many resources out there. And that’s really why I developed the idea of stand up for your self care, which is the name of my blog, and my YouTube channel. That’s what stand up for your self care is all about, we really need to be our own best advocates. We know ourselves the best. And we need to care about our emotions, our thoughts, our well being, because if we don’t, then how will anyone else know too?

Jordan 44:38
Yeah, I think that’s thoughtful, because maybe a misconception of self care is that it’s this, like this retreat, and it’s just me and I, you know, I’m going to do this and it’s for me, but it does involve others in a sense, too. And maybe it may be someone’s form of self care is more extroverted or is more social. But also kind of this reliance on if you know, I’m in a household with five other people and a dog, then I kind of need to rely on Rosanna to help facilitate the time and space for me to be able to go and do something that is, you know, for me.

Julie G 45:17
Yeah, absolutely interactions with others can give us a self care boost. So developing a relationships, you know, having a connection with others is part of the self care practice. You know, in, for example, if you really enjoy journaling, or meditating, which is space you create to really do this deep inner work to really know yourself and understand, you know, why you might have certain thoughts or why, you know, you might be thinking a certain way, or feeling a certain way. It’s, it’s, those practices can also be done in group settings. So for example, you could take a meditation class, you can take a journaling workshop, right with a self care buddy or family member. And so you’re not doing that alone, but the inner work is done alone. And that’s because the most important relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves. And self care helps us dig deeper to more fully know ourselves. And it’s really important to have time in your day in your week to carve out for reflection, right to go back to everything that we’ve already discussed about, you know, who do I want to be? Who am I? How am I showing up? And oftentimes that that, that causes us to just create this quiet space, even if it’s for 5-10 minutes a day, right? With, for example, my meditation practice, to just really understand, you know, more, and do more that take that inner work.

Jordan 46:44
Yeah, I’m glad you said that. I don’t think we even like say that out loud enough, like the most, which is how would you frame it? The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves.

Julie G 46:53
Correct. Yes. Yeah.

Rosanna 46:55
Well, I think we’re often looking for other people to help fill us. But if we’re not in tune with who we are and what we need, I cannot communicate that to him. And he cannot help me achieve what that is.

Julie G 47:05
Exactly. Yes. Many of us are looking outside of ourselves for answers, especially to other people, as you’re mentioning, when all along all of the answers we ever need they’re already within us. And self care helps show us the way.

Rosanna 47:21
Well, your last tenet is all about staying resilient, which we did an episode on resiliency at the end of season two. And the way that Jason Waller kind of explained it was staying resilient is all about bending without breaking. And so how can choosing to accept what is help us stay resilient? And I think that’s just a really important question. What are your thoughts on that?

Julie G 47:41
Yeah, it’s it’s that mindset of be ready for anything. Accepting every moment as it is, is often about surrendering to the moment and giving up the need to be in control. But that doesn’t always mean that we stop persevering or bouncing back. So there’s this beautiful balance of acceptance and surrendering but also persevering. But with resilience, my thought goes to be ready for anything. And if that was a practice over time, you can become more resilient.

Rosanna 48:14
Can you imagine if that’s the intention for your day, every day, be ready for anything?

Julie G 48:17
For anything there ready for anything? That really is? I mean, so when we talk about the unknown, that really is life, right? There’s so many things unknown in life. And so I know my yoga practice has really helped teach me that early on, you know, practicing yoga, is that constantly things are things are changing, as we talked about, but things are unknown, and things are impermanent, nothing, nothing, you know, is is nothing is permanent, things are temporary. So, yeah –

Jordan 48:48
Let’s talk about some specific practices. We’ve been kind of listing some throughout our conversation, and I kind of want to cut to my burning question if that’s okay. We’ve been practicing yoga for I would say, like, for me, like just a couple of times a week, maybe for about a year or so. And it’s just been growing on me. But when it comes to meditation, and specifically in yoga, you know, I love like, the movement and the stretching and the balance and that, you know, I feel like I’m doing something, but at the end of a lot of the yoga sessions is the Shavasana the, you’re just kind of you’re literally laying there, and that’s, I skip it. And to be honest, I skip it every time I’m like, Okay, this is the end of the routine. I don’t feel like laying here. So I’m, I’m done and I’m gonna move on with my day. I I feel like I’m missing something but at the same time, like meditation and like the shavasana in Yoga is very intimidating for me. It’s, it’s, it’s oddly into it. I mean, you literally just lay there so it’s not I can’t challenge physically, but I I don’t know if you’ve encountered this before. If you can help me kind of work through maybe this problem or if this is okay, like what is your take on this?

Julie G 50:03
Yeah, absolutely. And that does go back to being practicing getting uncomfortable and what you’re feeling like you’re not good at or that you can’t do. Shavasana is the most important pose in yoga.

Jordan 50:17
I was afraid you’d say that.

Julie G 50:19
Many people do resist it, or, you know, it’s, or they’ll discount its importance. You know, many people also fall asleep in this pose, because that’s exactly what they need – to rest. But so what you’re bringing up is more of it sounds like it’s like, you’re you’re not wanting to sit with your thoughts, you’re just not comfortable sitting in the quiet space, can you talk a little bit more about that kind of your thoughts going, you know, the process going on in your mind with not wanting to stay in Shavasana, or to meditate?

Jordan 50:52
I don’t know, I guess the way I would explain it – And I don’t even know if this is accurate – as I feel like, I want to be action oriented. So I feel like movement and exercise and sweat, and even the poses and yoga is action. And then once that portion is done, I feel like Okay, I’m ready to like go do more action. So the the sitting is very foreign to me, I don’t I don’t know what to do with that. And to be honest – like, my, my mind is often thinking about my day, or I’m having ideas. And so even though I’m physically still, I feel like I’m very mentally active, and so to have that mental activity, without the physical activity that I think should be accompanying it is very awkward. So I skip it so that I can I think just go do what I need to be doing it.

Julie G 51:46
Yeah. And that that totally makes sense. And, you know, with work and with go-go-go, kind of that mindset, it’s important to bring back that that rest, right with to balance out everything else we’re doing. Because if we’re not allowing ourselves the opportunity to rest or soak up the benefits of our practice, which is what we often say in Shavasana, is that we let you know, lay down and Shavasana to soak up everything from our practice, right? And if we don’t give ourselves space to soak it up, how will we know that we have really, you know, learned from it or have grown from, from the practice, you know, even in meditation, which you know, is often comes up, right, right, you’re seated either on a meditation cushion, or just with a tall, long spine, the point of meditation is not to force our thoughts out of our mind it’s to acknowledge them without judgment, and then let them go. So we watch our thoughts, right float away, like clouds in the sky, and just knowing that stuff is gonna come up when you meditate when you’re practicing Shavasana at the end of yoga class, things like what am I eating for dinner tonight? Or am I doing this right? Or my right hip hurts, or you know, my right hip is tight, that’s okay, come back to your breath, which will bring you back to the present moment. And know that it’s okay to give yourself this moment or two of rejuvenation, so that you can be ready to go for the rest of your day. But also know that you’ve soaked up right, these benefits of what you’re learning and how you’re growing and how that will continue to take you on your next step.

Jordan 53:24
That’s good. Sometimes, it’s at that like the end of a routine by that like the, you know, the kids are awake, or the you know, the dog is trotting around. And that is, this is my excuse, you know, I’m like, Oh, I’m distracted now. Like, there’s no possible way I could focus at this moment. Or I could need to go take care of him good. Like I can skip this portion. So maybe that’ll be my my challenge in the upcoming months is to just live and breathe in that a little bit better.

Rosanna 53:48
Well, then maybe if you quiet your mind, you’ll see an influx in like, focus or productivity after if you try it.

Julie G 53:57
Well, and oftentimes we’ll notice too, when we’re sitting with our thoughts, and we’re seeing the bouncing of the thoughts come back and floating in and out, most of our thoughts are connected. And so it’s interesting because some of the same ones keep popping up. If you’re, you know, if you’re a regular meditator, you’ll notice that some of the same ones, like why are these thoughts, but instead of questioning, we’re acknowledging them, right? We’re acknowledging them without judgment and then letting them go.

Jordan 54:23
Alright, um, there are there’s other practices that we’ve mentioned, we’ve talked about like journaling and meditation and exercise. And I kind of want to clarify maybe what self care is not so like, just a couple examples come to mind. I mentioned like just totally giving in to a Cinnabon. Or, you know, I think a lot of people, a lot of habits that I see and that we’ve had is like you come home after a long day, the kids are finally in bed and you just turn on the TV and just like watch for hours. Would those elements qualify as self care as well? Or like what what do people often maybe misplace as self care when it’s it’s not necessarily?

Julie G 55:07
Yeah. So just you know, going back to our definition of self care is that self care is how we show ourselves self love. So if those practices you mentioned are showing our self love, then you know, then that might be your self care for that day. But you know, when you think about, is it nourishing our well being? Is it nourishing me physically, emotionally, spiritually and beyond? Is it to my benefit to do this. It might be for that day, but it might not be a long term thing. So it’s this dance of, Okay, today, I am gonna, you know, I am going to do this. But tomorrow, I am going to journal in this space instead. And then know how you feel with those two different practices. Note that this is how I felt when I watched a program on TV. And then this is how I felt wanting journaled. And so that’s really up for you to decide and how you want to design your self care in your life. I, you know, I really think that there are certainly preferred self care practices. But again, different folks gravitate to different practices. So maybe it’s painting, maybe it’s, you know, making music, maybe it’s, you know, it could be so many other things. It’s, it’s what is bringing that, that joy to your soul and showing yourselves that, you know, this is how I want to be kind and loving to myself today.

Jordan 56:27
Thanks. Alright, so I know that we want to kind of end we’ll call it a strong note, although for me, it’s a bit of an intimidating note, but as a gift to us and to our listeners to kind of model a meditation exercise. So you want to lead us through that?

Julie G 56:46
Absolutely. So with meditation, there are several types of meditation, including guided visualization, mantra, and many more. Today, I’d like to guide you through a metta meditation, which is also known as loving kindness meditation. And so this meditation gives our mind something to focus on, and helps expand our compassion for ourselves and others. So let’s just begin in a comfortable seated position, wherever you’re at, allow your feet to rest down on the ground. Spine is tall and long, take your shoulders up, back, and then just relax them down. Start to close your eyes, or keep them open with a soft gaze.

And become aware of your feet, your posture, your shoulders, where your head is in space.

Notice any tension. Start to draw your attention to your nostrils. And watch your breath go in and out. Now I’m going to say three sentences. And I just want you to repeat these sentences after I say them silently after me,

May I be happy.

May I be peaceful and at ease.

May I be well.

Now think of a loved one.

And what the same sentences repeating silently after me. May they be happy. May they be peaceful and at ease.

May they be well.

And then turn your attention to someone you pass by recently who you don’t know well. Maybe it was someone at the grocery store.

And thinking of these same three sentences, may they be happy. May they be peaceful and at ease.

May they be well.

And then think of the whole world and all of the people here on earth with us. repeating these same sentences to them.

May they be happy.

May they be peaceful and at ease.

May they be well.

And then start to take a few deeper inhales and exhales, drawing your attention back to your nostrils.

Watch the breath, go in and out.

One more deep breath here. And on your exhale, sending loving kindness to yourself, your loved ones, your friends, your family and the entire worlds. When you’re ready, go ahead and open your eyes.

What did you think?

Jordan 1:01:12
Like a, like a little massage for my chi? I don’t know. Wow. No, it’s it’s you know, that this was helpful in the sense of like, it’s, it’s, it’s got like, direct take picture someone who did you picture for your loved one? I picture my mom. Yeah, but it does. Like, it kind of reminds me of my experience with other forms of like physical exercise, like, just the thought of getting into it is unpleasant, but the process and outcome – it’s like well I certainly didn’t regret doing that.

Julie G 1:01:55
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so over time, you start to notice if you’re developing a meditation practice or developing a new self care practice, notice notice more of those thoughts. Like are you resistant to it? Or are you happy and looking forward to it? Right? Are you open to the experience? So you’re certainly open to the experience because you just practice the meditation. And it’s also right, it’s, it’s finding what’s going to work for you. So maybe this type of meditation works for you right now instead of you know, a breath, focus meditation, right? And you’re just watching the breath go in and out. Because that’s when oftentimes the mind will get distracted. But in a specific, loving kindness, meditation practice like this, you are thinking about, right? These sentences, these words visualizing, so we’re using more of that visualization. So that just might be easier to do it. So yeah, it’s all about exploring. Again, it’s a lab. So –

Rosanna 1:02:45
I like that mentality that it’s a lab. But it’s something that we don’t have to –

Jordan 1:02:48
Yeah you don’t have to sign up for life to like one form or another. It’s like, just experiment and see what works. I think that’s profitable.

Rosanna 1:02:56
What a great conversation today, Julie, like, thank you so much for leading us through these practices. And even just like the realization of change being, you know, something that we cannot control, but it’s the way that we move through it with, you know, grace and intention that will really help us move forward.

Julie G 1:03:13
Absolutely. Thank you. It’s my honor, and my passion and my privilege to be with you here today. So thank you so much.

Jordan 1:03:20
Yeah. So how can people connect with you and learn more about you and learn more about self care and some of the forms of self care that we explored today?

Julie G 1:03:31
Absolutely. So I have several self care resources in ways to connect with me, you can subscribe to my monthly nourish notes, you get a self care, boost, and 25% off my books. And then you can also check out my blog, which is packed with self care content at JulieGtheyogi.com. I have a stand up for your self care YouTube channel, which has several self care videos. So if you are interested in exploring more meditation, come check out that channel. I teach weekly yoga classes and my current schedule is posted on my website, JulieGtheYogi.com. And of course, you can connect with me on instagram and facebook at Julie G. The Yogi I’d love to hear how your self care practices are going.

Jordan 1:04:14
Fantastic. And we enjoyed reading your books as well. We’ll promote those one more time. We have 108 Yoga and self care practices for busy mamas.

Rosanna 1:04:24
and how to stay calm in the chaos and everyday guide to self care.

Jordan 1:04:27
These were enjoyable reads. Yeah.

Rosanna 1:04:29
So what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna do a giveaway of each of these books. And so we will have a social media post, and the day that this episode goes live, and so we’ll have details on how you can enter to win how you can connect with Julie how you can connect with us, all in the name of self care.

Julie G 1:04:46
Thank you so much.

Rosanna 1:04:47
It was such a pleasure, Julie, thank you so much.

Julie G 1:04:49
Thank you. Namaste

Namaste

Jordan 1:04:51
Thanks, Julie.

We hope you enjoyed that conversation that we shared with Julie as much as we did. Because I feel like, you know, self care is maybe something we kind of get engaged in without really thinking about it, or maybe something that we don’t prioritize. But I think like a lot of the topics on the show, like just being able to talk about and explore these things, we are able to, I think, give some of these topics like self care a little bit more of the attention that they deserve. And this is something that I think we’ll we’ll definitely be building into, in our, in our processes for this year.

Rosanna 1:05:26
Yeah, and I mean, my favorite part about interviewing people on the podcast is that so many different people have so many different perspectives, and are passionate about things that we really have little reference for. And so learning firsthand from them, face to face, or even over, you know, a zoom recording, like, like we did, you know, excites me, and just gets me to think about our life and my life and in new ways.

Jordan 1:05:49
Yeah. So there are a number of things that she said that stood out to me, one of the first was that and this is one of the first things that she mentioned too was that self care actually gives us time. And I think that’s maybe one of the misconceptions about self care is that like, we’ll take care of ourselves last, if at all, because we’re so busy doing, you know, everything I like taking care of our kids are working at our jobs are just like maintaining our household, that some of the things we would think might take more of our time really don’t. So she said, it enhances your your focus, it gives you more, I say, like more energy, it helps you, I think, just be a better person in whatever you go and engage in afterwards.

Rosanna 1:06:33
Yeah. And my mindset has always been that like I can, I have to earn my self care. And she tells us that you don’t have to earn it, like you can just have it.

Jordan 1:06:41
You deserve it. Give yourself Yeah, it’s like, we have to give ourselves permission, in a sense to see like, you know, what, like, darn it, this actually does matter. And I don’t need to ask for it. This is something I already am allowed to have.

Rosanna 1:06:55
But in the conversation, it was interesting that most of the self care she talked about, or that we talked about, were things that we schedule in, in the early hours, that really kind of shape, and change the way we perceive and even act throughout our day. So it’s not this reactive state of self care, it’s a proactive approach to doing things that are good for our mind, body and soul.

Jordan 1:07:15
Right. It like makes you stronger and smarter upfront. So then no matter what comes, you’re not reacting to it, but you’ve already like prepared for it in a sense. And you know, one of the other things that stood out to me too, was this idea of like, you know, self care, all these changes is going to be like different for different people. But even for your self, like it may change at times as well. But one really effective way to think about it is in terms of like, is this constructive, or destructive in the long term? So, you know, I kept on bringing up like just gorging myself on a Cinnabon, which I would love to do, or kind of the joke in 2020 was like, you know, at what time do we transition from coffee time to wine time. So, you know, we can kind of indulge in some of these things that make us feel good in the short term. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except we want to be looking at how are we being constructive for ourselves over a longer stretch of time as well. And so a true self care practice is something that is both constructive and something that we enjoy engaging in.

Rosanna 1:08:20
Yeah and she even said the words life is a practice, not a perfect, and a lot of times, we’re so focused on making everything perfect. We don’t focus on the practice and the practice of these habits, the practice of self care, and even trying different things at different stages in our life, depending on what our mind or body needs. You know, it’s it’s it’s ever flowing and ever changing. It’s not always going to be this this one thing. And so practicing different things, and starting new habits is a good way to approach life.

Jordan 1:08:47
Yeah. Well, we certainly enjoyed the conversation that we had with Julie. So I want to extend a special note of gratitude to Julie. And if you benefit from the conversation as well, why don’t you reach out to her and reach out to us and share what got you thinking.

Rosanna 1:09:02
And at the end of this episode, if you head to our social media on Instagram, you can find out details on how to win one of Julie’s books. Every day –

Jordan 1:09:11
You can win a free book?

Rosanna 1:09:12
Yes, she has her two books. And so we are going to be giving away one of each book. And so there’ll be details on there for how you can like, share and follow to enter to win.

Jordan 1:09:22
That’s good. We had a chance to read both and they are both worth your time. So we hope you get a chance to win and definitely check them out.

Rosanna 1:09:29
Alright, see you next week,

Jordan 1:09:30
Bye everybody. Thank you.

 

Rosanna 0:15
Welcome to season three, Episode Two of the relentless pursuit podcast, love thy neighbor.

Jordan 0:22
Hello, everyone. Welcome to not just Episode Two, but week two of what we’re calling love month. And last week, you heard us have a conversation just about your my person and encouraged you to identify those individuals in your life who you would call my person or my people or my people. And that was specifically at least I would say like, the way I framed it was specifically thinking about our spouses, although it could apply to anyone that we might have thought that the definition worked towards. But today, we are really thinking about the concept of love from a different angle. And that is from this angle of loving our neighbor. Loving someone other than I would say like our family –

Rosanna 1:06
– or like a romantic relationship.

Jordan 1:07
Yeah. And so we’re going to work through today kind of defining what that means and who it applies to. And going from there.

Rosanna 1:15
Alright, so let’s dive in with the definition. So who is a neighbor? So if you actually look up the definition, and obviously the definition looker-upper in the relationship –

Jordan 1:26
Every relationship needs a definite dictionary afficionado.

Rosanna 1:29
Oh, thank you, that sounded fancy. Neighbor is a near dweller, a nearby person or thing, often thinking of like our next door neighbor, or, or those in our community. So that’s kind of like when I say neighbor, or you say neighbor. That’s probably who we’re thinking about right is like, who lives to the left or to the right of us who lives in front of us or behind us?

Jordan 1:50
So that’s like the literal interpretation of it, then is this geographic context like people in our street?

Rosanna 1:56
Correct. But I think for the context of this conversation, and even as you take this conversation and apply it later on, I think we need to move past the idea of neighbors being the people who live next door, and kind of broaden that to a neighbor is anyone you are in community with. So that means it could be the people you work with the people you go to school with the person who makes your coffee, you know, what if we include all of those people in the definition? Would you treat those people differently? If you call them neighbors?

Jordan 2:28
I think that’s an interesting word to apply to all those people. I don’t know if there’s one, I don’t know if there’s another catch all word that pertains to them. And these are all the people that so you’re talking about, we have like physical proximity to in some way or another.

Rosanna 2:43
Yes. But I would even like to push that further in this conversation. Is that a neighbor? Is anyone you’re in community with? And even those who aren’t. A neighbor is everyone and a neighbor is anyone?

Jordan 2:56
Okay, so everybody is our neighbor?

Rosanna 2:59
Yeah. So, you know, my stuff, you might, you might not be near our neighbors.

Jordan 3:04
So even if they’re not nearby, in a sense, like someone on the other end of the world could be my neighbor?

Rosanna 3:09
I think I think so. Okay.

Jordan 3:10
Well, I mean, I think we could explore that a little bit more, maybe there’s varying extents to which we’d apply that term neighbor to different folks.

Rosanna 3:17
Yeah, so let’s, let’s dig in and see where this goes.

Jordan 3:21
You know, I, anytime I think about being a good neighbor, I am always inspired by that old story of the Good Samaritan. Because you have that story of an individual who falls down on the side of the road, or no, he gets beaten up and robbed, and he’s just left half dead on the side of the road. And then you have three very, like, traditionally, like pious people walk by there’s like a priest, and you know, some other individuals who, in maybe, at least, their own minds can check all the boxes of being good people, but they ignore that person that they pass by. And then there’s just kind of like your run of the mill guy, a Samaritan, which in the story, is someone who typically doesn’t get along with the kind of guy who’s on the side of the road. And he has pity on him and ends up like taking them to an inn and paying for his expenses. And so he really sees like this stranger in need. And unlike the people who I would say, check the traditional boxes of, you know, piety or goodness, this person actually like, does a good deed towards someone in need at that moment. So I’ve always been inspired by that. Because, in at least in the context of that story, you know, neighbor doesn’t mean like someone who is like someone that you know, but it’s like someone in a sense, who is in need to some extent and you’re in a position to do good and actually do it.

Rosanna 4:51
Okay. I think that’s, I mean, a good way to look at it. Because anybody you pass by then, if you look at the way that I define it in a broader context is your neighbor is someone and not in need like that they need to be fed or they need to be taken care of. But it’s it’s really anybody who you can kind of extend some kind of love in some way, shape or form to make any interaction with them better.

Jordan 5:18
Yeah, I think the, the needs we seem to have these days maybe are fewer. If you think about it, like we’re, it’s very, like we’re all able to comfortably retreat into our own households, and not really need something from the people who are physically near us, or we have Amazon, I could deliver something to us within a moment’s notice, even like that, that that traditional image of like, go right across the street and ask if you can borrow a cup of sugar, or I need two eggs, like, you don’t even need to do that anymore. Because the grocery stores in such proximity as well. And you feel like you’re imposing on neighbors anytime you ask something from them. So it’s almost helpful maybe to identify like, what are the maybe “needs” is the wrong word, in some cases that’s applicable, but what are the, like the the elements of the gestures of building community and of acknowledging and reinforcing that community with everyone that you have a chance to interact with?

Rosanna 6:09
Yeah, and I think one thing we have to acknowledge is just like, our lives have changed so much from previous generations, you know, we talked about bringing back hobbies, you know, as a way to, like, help foster like creativity and self care, and all of that, you know, this, this notion of the neighbors, you’re right, like, we’ve all kind of like, we have our own land around our house, they’re spread out a little bit further, we can fill our own needs. And so we’re not relying on the people around us. And so maybe it’s time to kind of, you know, think about that, like, No, I don’t need my neighbor to do something for me. But the way that we treat them, the way that we communicate them, the way we include them in our life, you know, might change the way that the world works, if we decided that we could rely on them, or could bring them into our circle, instead of keeping everybody at arm’s distance.

Jordan 6:58
Yeah. And it makes me think about just that that phrase like love your neighbor, I think has a couple of different ways of being applied, like one is, like, working to positively interact with one another and build that community. But the other is also like loving it – Like, you kind of need to be told to love someone that you’re not naturally inclined to, right, if you’re already doing it, that we don’t need to be talking about it. But it’s almost like this idea of like, well wait a minute, like these, these individuals – and there’s a broad definition that we’re applying that people would fit into – they, we have to be reminded and proactively love because we’re not all the same. But there is a certain element of that ingredient of love can often be overlooked or missed. And that’s really the intention of this conversation is to explore what they really mean. So is the neighbor but also, how do we demonstrate that love?

Rosanna 7:54
Yeah, and you know, now more than ever, we’re almost I don’t want to say programmed, but it kind of seems like that to recognize everybody’s differences. And what, what makes us all different and keeps us away from each other as opposed to recognizing what we all have in common. And there’s a lot that we have in common, especially with the people that are around us. And so kind of recognizing the good, and the sameness and all of us like can can help our communities become stronger, and move forward. And so instead of looking for the differences, we need to start like bringing people in bringing people together, which reminds me of when we moved into our first house, we were in a townhouse first and then house, one of our intentions was to, to bring people together. And so here we were, what I mean we we’ve been married, like five years, we had just had our first kid. And we started making flyers and putting them in mailboxes to reignite the old fashion block party.

Jordan 8:53
Yeah, yeah. Cuz we showed up like, Yeah, right. When’s the block party? Oh, there isn’t one? Alright, like, let’s get some folks together.

Rosanna 8:58
And so we were trying to like rally people and someone’s like, Oh, we haven’t had a black party on this block in like 15 years, you know, everybody’s kids had grown up had moved out, all of those people were a little bit older, they were kind of done with that stage. And we were just kicking off and then to see like the first block party to like the fifth block party or sixth black party, from when we moved in until when we left and like what we cultivated on the block and getting other people to buy in and people who were leery at first and, and didn’t want to participate. And then were then like, you know, putting bounce houses in their front yard and, and doing things for the kids that they didn’t have, because there was this sense of camaraderie and love amongst people who really had no other connection to one another. But then we started you know, we built friendships with the people on that block and a business partnership for you, you know, in in a real estate transaction. And so, it you know, it’s just interesting when we’re connected, what we gain from that and whether it’s, you know, wisdom about parenting or other other transactions and things like we all become better. Not just about us, it’s about something else.

Jordan 10:02
I’m reminded of, remember we had that the fire department come out for the kids, and all the kids are at glamper and other fire trucks, and then they get an emergency call. And they’re like, quickly, like throwing the kids off the truck, like we gotta go.

Rosanna 10:14
Yeah, and I mean, it’s something that our kids remember and talk about now. And now our neighborhood is very different in terms of who lives on our block. And the way that we’re showing up to love our neighbors isn’t through a block party. So it’s, you know, you have to realize you have to work with what’s around you. And so sometimes the showing of love and camaraderie looks very different, depending on where you live, and depending on you know, just the parameters of who the people are. And so part of that is for us to figure that out. And, and to spread that love and to spread that joy, even if it’s in a different way.

Jordan 10:45
All right. So, you know, I felt like last season, we talked about being a good follower. And then we tend to think of follower in a narrow lane, like how to be a good social media follower, in a sense, and I think we’re trying to define that more broadly. And I get the same idea with neighbor to where the most applicable definition is to think like those people on our block. I have that song, I know where it’s from who the people in your neighbor, Sesame Street. Alright, so that’s why it’s stuck in my head. But we’re really so when we, anytime we say a neighbor, we’re really talking about like anyone we have the chance to interact with and have some degree of community community with.

Rosanna 11:23
Right. I mean, so you know, our block our neighborhood, our community, our city, our state, the United States, like, you know, there’s this commonality, there’s this, we are part of all of those different things. So neighbors can be a vast, vast, deep and wide word.

Jordan 11:39
Yeah. All right. So who is I see you have a name written down for the ultimate neighbor?

Rosanna 11:44
Oh, the ultimate neighbor? Can you guess? Mr. Rogers, right, he was like the ultimate neighbor, and neighbor, hello, neighbor. And he called us neighbors. And so what I thought was interesting about that is he didn’t call us like, well, Hello, friends, Hello, boys, and girls, you know, he didn’t, or Ladies and gentlemen, his mindset was that we were all neighbors, and that we all needed to be taken care of. And we all needed to take care of each other. And so then I think that also extends into this, this bigger grouping of neighbors, that it’s not just taking care of who you see, but even, you know, further out, he advocated for individuals to work for the well being of the most vulnerable, were wherever they may be in whatever work that they do. So even at work, right? How are you a good neighbor to the people that are around you? It doesn’t have to be, you know, to who you live next to but in any context, in any circle that you are, how are you a good neighbor. And then he constantly affirm the coexistence of individuality and self expression with the respect for yourself and the respect for others, regardless of their color, background, religion, or political views. And so if you look at a lot of what he did, it’s there.

Jordan 12:59
You mean like outside of the show, I don’t recall like episode, remember, like the trolley and the land of make believe. And so you’re saying even kind of in his, in his personal ethic that was applicable?

Rosanna 13:11
He wasn’t marching for racial injustice, but at the same time, he employed black actors on his show. And so he took a stance for what he believed in in very quiet ways. But in very big ways. And so, you know, I think that’s a challenge to all of us about kind of opening up who our neighbors are. And you know, how, what we stand for,

Jordan 13:31
Yeah. And how we can demonstrate like, what love looks like within that context. And we can demonstrate that.

Rosanna 13:37
Right. He did it through children show. So we’re, where you are and where you’re planted. How are you doing that?

Jordan 13:42
Yeah. So I mean, this reminds me of that time, so as I think two weeks ago now, but there was an individual who was right outside of our front door, like literally, right on the street, with his car broken down, right outside of our front door. And I think I casually noticed him at one point, but then we were coming home from from something and I remember this guy was still there. And this was just someone like his head was in the hood. I didn’t know who this was. And obvious like stranger to the block, we hadn’t seen him before. And I don’t know how long he was there. But I kind of at that moment, like realized I had two choices. One would be I could just come inside and do my own thing and forget about him. But yeah, like he seemed like he was working on his car and it was broken down that was and that in fact was the case. So in this one, in this instance, it was almost like this, this I would say like this, this handcrafted, like, Here you go, Jordan, here’s kind of this really easy and accessible opportunity. Just do it like to be a good neighbor, in a sense. There’s someone right there who needs exactly what you have, and at have like a very low personal cost, I had nothing going on that day. It didn’t cost me any money, a little bit of time. Attention. And so I went over to him and said, like, Hey, how’s it going? You need a hand? And it turned out he’s like, yeah, like my car is leaking all this fluid. Okay, do you need some tools? And so I grabbed my toolbox. And I told him, I said, you don’t want me touching your engine, because I have no idea how any of that works. But you’ll make use of all these tools in and he was able to manipulate those. And then he needed a ride to the auto parts store. And so here’s the stranger and we get in the car together, and we go…

Rosanna 15:30
Well, I thought it was a little crazy. Because you came in you said, Alright, I’m going to I’m going to take him to the auto parts store, just just down the road. Where is it? All right, gave you some directions. And then I said, so we’re in a pandemic, and you’re gonna put a stranger in our car? And you’re like, yeah, I said, Okay. Can you both wear a mask? Please? Yeah, you know, just to protect yourself and be safe. But you’re right, it was a relatively easy task.

Jordan 15:52
Right. And like I said, like, it was a minor inconvenience, right? Nothing else going on that day didn’t cost me anything. But those are some of the things that are often overlooked as well. And, you know, so at that moment, and I kind of wish like for more like, you know, moments like that, it’s like, if this is what helping, you know, someone else looks like it. This is what being a good citizen and loving your neighbor looks like, like, I could totally do that. But at the same time, like, how long was he out there? And how many people like noticed that and did nothing? And how many times have I done the same thing? So that I mean, that instance, kind of got me thinking about what like, what are some of the other ways that we may be overlook or turn a blind eye to?

Rosanna 16:36
Well, do you think it’s because we become weary of other people that we just close the front door and back away slowly?

Jordan 16:44
“Weary” or “wary”?

Rosanna 16:48
So I was thinking of leery and wary altogether. And I made my own word. You know, we’re just unsure. Like, is his car really broken down? Does he actually need help? Like it you know, that we kind of jumped to these conclusions as like, Oh, I don’t need to go out there. Because, like, if I was a stranger danger, yes. If I was home by myself, right? Should I have like, as – and I mean this sounds silly – but as a woman, like gone outside and be like, hey, everything. Okay? Can I call you a tow? Like, is it safe for me to do that? Right? Hey, yeah, let’s put the kids in the car. And I’ll take you to that like, right, like, I have to kind of weigh those options in terms of like, being safe, and you know, protecting my kids and all of that, like, do we not do the things that we know we should because we’re afraid of, of people? Like have we become afraid of people that because we do not love our neighbors? We’re afraid of doing the right thing?

Jordan 17:41
Yeah. I mean, we’re in a highly litigious society as well. So it’s like, well, if you know, I try to help or if something goes the wrong way, does that expose me like to some degree of harm? And I think we have to weigh that as well. And, you know, and certainly with strangers, but yeah, I think that that is one element that kind of goes into the equation. Maybe more than we’d like it to.

Rosanna 18:10
Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, it’s, it’s something to consider, but I mean, okay, so you let some guy this guy, some tools, and then you took them to the autoparts. Store. And he came back, and he fixed it. And he was on his way, and he was on his way.

Jordan 18:12
And he really needed the help. Like he didn’t, it wasn’t in a position to like, you know, call it a tow truck or bring it to an auto shop. His family was out of the country, and to just like, kind of, you know, just up a creek. And so at the end of it, he was like, he was so polite. He’s like, you literally, like, saved my entire day. He tried to offer me like gas money for taking him to the store. Like, no, that’s okay. But like I said, like that, but it was like in kind of like a gimme like a handcrafted, like, you can help this guy out. So that’s what I want to explore in this conversation more is like, now we’ve kind of identified who are our neighbors, but how, how do we love them? And what gets in the way? So that that’s my first big question for you is, like, right now, it feels like there’s that there’s so much animosity in society. And in many ways, we don’t know who to trust, or maybe our opinions of people shift depending on, you know, the, like, the changes with the weather, in a sense with, you know, the political climate. And so, I guess, how do we in light of differences, whether they’re like political or religious or racial or financial, you know, the list goes on. What role do those differences play and how do we, despite those differences, love our neighbor?

Rosanna 19:49
I think the I don’t know if this is the easy answer or the right answer, but I think it’s what I believe to be true is that none of those matter because if our kid was driving his car and was stranded on a block somewhere, what would I want someone to do? I would want someone to go outside and say, Are you okay? Do you need help? What what is it that I can do for you? And, you know, his nationality, his background, his religious beliefs, his political views don’t come into play when somebody needs help. A person is a person no matter what.

Jordan 20:27
Yeah. And I think that’s, it’s it sounds simple, right? I mean, it looks good on paper, like, just whoever this person is in front of me. Like, I’m going to extend to them, the, you know, the kindness and love and respect that they just inherently deserve. In reality, though, like, what are the barriers that that get in the way? Like, why do we recoil? And I think you mentioned, just this wariness that we have of other individuals, particularly with strangers. But you know, sometimes even with people that we know, too, like we don’t in conversations like broach certain subjects, or, you know, maybe go and become as vulnerable as we potentially could. And so that that’s, that’s just, I feel like this area that I want to grow a little, how can I become more others oriented, just more with a greater sense of abandoned just become a more loving individual in the way that society needs?

Rosanna 21:22
Well, and I think we, we think it has to be something big, right? Like, we have to, like help someone fix their car or whatever. But I mean, a smile, holding the door open for someone like, you know, wasting an extra 25 seconds in your day to make someone’s life easier, right? Like we always put ourselves first and our agenda, and we have this to do and we have that to do. But like, do we take the time to just stop and look around? Are we looking for opportunities to make a difference? You know, my 87 year old neighbor, you know, what I can do for her, is it’s very minimal. When I see her pulling out the garbage cans, she didn’t even want me to pull out the garbage cans for her. But like, she wants an interaction. Yeah, she wants a smile. She wants to hear about the dog. She wants to hear about the kids because really all day who’s talking to her? No one. And so we’re always so focused on what’s next for us, or what’s going on or what we’ve got going on, that we don’t take the time to consider other people.

Jordan 22:22
Yeah. And so it’s a lot a lot of the time, then it’s just those small gestures. Like the the phrase that’s come into my mind is like the the recognition of the humanity in the people that we interact with. And that I think, for me that word recognition is big, because when we pass a bunch of people, and we don’t, we’re not, we we see without seeing.

Rosanna 22:40
I love that that’s I was gonna say we see them, but we do not see them. They are invisible.

Jordan 22:45
So maybe that’s the first thing and maybe the only thing that we’d end up doing, but for the typical person who like they don’t have an immediate need that needs to be met. But they, I think we all benefit from the sense of just like being seen being recognized for for who we are for the human that we are, and receiving that inherent dignity and respect.

Rosanna 23:07
Well, I don’t know how many times I’ve seen another mom at like Target or the grocery store with like, one kid, multiple kids, but one, some or all of them are melting down in one in one way, shape, or form. And you could see that they’re just embarrassed, and they’re just stressed. And they’re just like about to lose it. And how many times just like a reassuring word is like, it’s that age, it’ll pay like even just me saying something to someone else. You see, like, their shoulders kind of come down. Like, they kind of like wipe the sweat off their brow. It’s like, someone sees me someone acknowledges that this is hard, like, okay…

Jordan 23:39
Yes. So in those circumstances, though, I just, I don’t know if this is better or worse, but I might just pretend that I don’t see them. Because if they’re embarrassed, it’s you know, so it’s like the social embarrassment. So I’m like, if I didn’t see them, do you feel less embarrassed?

Rosanna 23:52
I’m pretty sure they know, you saw that. If I just tiptoe past you, or pretend this didn’t happen.

Jordan 23:59
I’m like they’re struggling right now. And the last thing they want is for me to call attention to it.

Rosanna 24:03
You know, it’s I think it’s important to love our neighbors because good things come from simple exchanges. And that’s what we overlook, we always think it’s that we’re gonna change somebody’s tire, right? Or we’re gonna pay for someone’s groceries or someone’s coffee, which are all great things, you know, you someone pays for your coffee in a line at Starbucks, and then you post it on Facebook. Hey, thanks to the blue car behind me at Starbucks this morning. I paid it forward too and then this barista leader tells you like people paid it forward eighty-three times today. And it’s just like, it’s a little hot in your step to let you know that like that people are good, and that people care or that you matter. You know, when you’re having a bad day and someone pays for your coffee, like, you know, it kind of it, it reminds you of the things that you know, we lose sight of on a day-to-day basis.

Jordan 24:45
Yeah, you know, for me, you know, something else that comes to mind is maybe this is more so at work, but here too at home. There’s I’m just working you know, there’s something on my mind. I have a task that I’m trying to accomplish and then somebody knocks on the door, somebody shows up and need something or want some kind of interaction. And my heart at those moments is like, go away, because I want to check this thing off of my list. And this is something I’ve talked about multiple times now, but I’m trying to grow in that regard. So maybe like this, that attitude that I have the disposition that I turned myself to have within those moments is one that is interruptible. Like, when did we when did we become so uninterruptible? Is what I’m working on at any given moment, like so important that it trump’s the person in front of me?

Rosanna 25:37
The answer to that is probably no most times Yeah, you know, it’s the same position of having having clenched hands and holding on to everything that you have, instead of having open hands, so that if somebody needs something from your hands, they can take from it, they can give to it, right, you can freely give and take instead of like, clenched all the time. And so I think about that, with time, I think about that with like our stuff, you know, with our goals for being more generous and charitable this year, like, yeah, we could keep that money, right? That could be that could go towards a trip or a nice dinner or something for the house. And, you know, the fact that our position now is to open our hands more. And not just to like, say that we’ve done something, but to kind of like change your focus and change your attitude and change your heart is big. And so I think this is you know, the love this whole idea of loving thy neighbor. It’s it’s a heart issue, like where’s your heart? I joke I’ve joked about this with a friend of mine. Okay, we moved we’ve talked about that I love our house, I love it, we moved in it was it was perfect, perfectly painted perfectly, whatever. And, you know, since we moved in, like every child that has visited, our home has, I think pretty much licked to their hands and then wipe to them across every wall, there’s dings and dents in, you know, divots, and, you know, I like things just so, so it’s like a walk around kind of itching sometimes that it’s not perfect. And it’s a constant reminder to myself, who do I love more? Or what do I love more? Is it my house? Or is it the people that are inside and the people that visit regardless of if they write on my walls with a pen when they’re here?

Jordan 27:13
Sure. And it’d be it’d be nice to have both right. It’s like the guests. And the the lack of damage. It reminds me of when I was young when I was in high school, and I did percussion. And one day like these other non musicians were I think they were choir kids were coming in to do something with the band. And one kid takes this heavy backpack and he puts it on my timpani drum. You don’t put anything on the timpani drum. And as a percussionist, I took personal offense to this. So I just shoved this as hard as I could right off. And the kid was like, What the heck, and people were surprised. I’m like, Don’t do that to the timpani, you know, as I was upset, but then A moment later, I was like, well, what’s more important, like the person or the object? And like, it’s the person so I apologize to the kid, and more politely told him, like, don’t put anything on my drum.

Rosanna 28:02
Don’t put anything on my drum. Famous last words.

Jordan 28:04
Write that down. So I can’t, I’m thinking about this from like, a prioritization standpoint to like, I can’t love everyone, like to this, like this full line like, extends like it’s, but you know, there at the end of the day, there there are, there’s you and the kids, to whom I believe I owe the preponderance of my time and attention. I have legitimate tasks that can be put off, but at some point need to be accomplished as well. So how do I, how do I prioritize those to whom I am giving time and attention and still say I’m doing an effective job loving loving my neighbor?

Rosanna 28:47
I think you can love everybody always, but the extent will always be different. So you know, the day that someone’s car was broken, outside of our front door, right? Extending yourself in that situation, when I see her neighbors smiling, waving, saying, hello, different exchanges, right? Those are things that don’t cost me there are times when I’m backing out of the driveway, and I can’t stop and chat and that’s okay. But when we establish love a majority of the time, like no one, no one expects you to, you know, to overfill their bucket all the time. But if they if they know that, who you are and what you stand for, and they know that you’re there, I think that makes a difference. You know, when a coworker does come to you and has a problem or a question and you give them the time, they’re not going to stop you every time and they’re not going to expect that every time but like establishing a sense of of love and laying that groundwork kind of helps kind of set the tone for everything else.

Jordan 29:48
So in a sense that requires a degree of, of just this innate like attitude, like alright, I am going to be others-oriented. I have my own things to work on. But when an opportunity which I could probably be more attuned to arises, or when an interruption arises, I can decide from now how I’m going to look for those things, or I’m going to respond to those things when they do come up.

Rosanna 30:11
Yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, no one’s asking you to go like, go sit in your office and like, just, you know, throw your work aside and just wait for people to come to you or to like, you know, go individually check on all 22 members of your department, like, No one expects that of you. But it’s what is your position when the when those opportunities do arise?

Jordan 30:30
Yeah, it reminds me of Super Grover for a little bit, because we haven’t had enough Sesame Street references this episode, but, you know, he throws on his cape and like, shows up somewhere, he’s like, I’m ready to do my good deed, I’m ready to help and like, the people just don’t need him. And they think, anyway, you know, you don’t want to be that either. So striking the balance, but I think it is an attitude. And it’s easy to like, just recoil into our own lives. And so like, part of love month, is just taking some daily time towards developing this, this skill within ourselves, this muscle, if you will, to be able to love others. And, you know, and we’re already doing so I would say like to develop it further, to an extent that I haven’t demonstrated so far.

Rosanna 31:12
Right. And this month, you could be doing all sorts of random acts of kindness for people in your community, right? Baking cookies for the police department, or, you know, going through your closets and gathering clothes that you don’t wear and donating them. So you can do those things, which are an act of love and service. But I think it’s more about like, when you see people, are you seeing them? And are you extending love in a world that doesn’t seem to have a lot of it right now?

Jordan 31:39
Or what what if I disagree with someone on something that is really important to me, like, this is just an example like, I voted for candidate x, they voted for candidate y. And, you know, either I or they like see this as a barrier to our relationship, like what is my obligation then? Or if you know, insert any other controversial disagreement?

Rosanna 32:03
And that’s hard for me to answer because to me, it’s I I don’t go through life thinking that anybody needs to think the same thing as me. And so while I may not agree with them, that would not keep me from being civil, kind or loving towards them.

Jordan 32:19
So it sounds like an easy question to answer then. And maybe part of what we’re doing wrong as a society is overcomplicating it to the extent that like, we’re not just letting that be a barrier to our love, but a reason for our open animosity toward someone not like us.

Rosanna 32:35
Well, I mean, to me, it just seems silly. Like, we are Cubs fans, we know people who are Sox fans, that doesn’t mean that we don’t invite them over.

Jordan 32:43
Well, that that is like a traditional, that’s like an aspect of entertainment to disagree over. But I’m talking about like, and something that is of greater consequence. Like we joke about our kids teachers who are Packers fans, and even though that really like gets my goat, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. But what like things that matter, though, I think that is difficult. And I don’t feel this way. But I feel like you know, many people, many of our listeners maybe will feel this way that it can be difficult to surmount those feelings, so that recognition, and as willingly, like, extend a degree of love towards someone.

Rosanna 33:29
But why can’t I don’t? There’s so much I can say about that. We cannot expect people to do what we want them to do. We cannot expect other people to think the ways that we think. We will say that they’re wrong, they will say that we’re wrong. Like how do we know that we’re not wrong? Or that we’re at fault? Like, opinions? Yeah, I mean, you know, the statement about opinions, right? Like, it is what it is like, we were created to respect and love people. Like that, that’s – that’s our job. Yeah, in everything that we do. And so if we let that permeate, I mean, you those things cannot matter. They those things should not divide us. There’s there’s who we are like, we are human beings, like we are the same. There are variances in differences, but we are the same. So why can we not find what’s in common?

Jordan 34:17
I’ll put a closing thought on that too. Which is, I think, if the best we could say is that we only love people who are just like us, I don’t think that’s saying very much. I don’t think it’s saying very much about our love.

Rosanna 34:32
Deep thought, yeah. So what do you think time to wrap up?

Jordan 34:36
I think so.

Rosanna 34:37
Alright, so I think kind of just based on this conversation about our definition, as a neighbor being anyone in everyone in every circle in every context. These would be my takeaways. To all people, to all neighbors near and far, be generous. Be generous with your time with your smiles with your acts of service. Be fair, only a person’s character should matter, not their race, not their ethnicity, not their gender, not their political views. Be kind. We’re surrounded by a world filled with hate, bitterness, jealousy, envy and violence. Just be kind and compassionate. Find what unites us. And be peaceful. Forgive a neighbor who has wronged you or offends you. Forgive those who don’t believe the same as you. Move the things that we put up as barriers to the outside and find the things that unite us. That’s what I got.

Jordan 35:32
That’s beautiful. I can’t add to that.

Rosanna 35:35
Well, you know, it’s easy to love your people. It’s easy to love your person, it’s easy to love your friends and the people that vote the same way as you do. And some people find it hard to love everybody in anybody else. And so that’s my challenge is find the good find the people see them, see them for who they are see past what the differences are, and move towards love in in every context in every Arena in every community.

Jordan 36:02
And I think like so many things that the show it, it sounds self-evident, in a sense, but it is difficult to apply. And so that application really takes some commitment in some kind of daily intentionality to move towards.

Rosanna 36:16
So let’s be intentional, and let’s move forward in love.

Jordan 36:19
Let’s do it, Rosanna. All right. Thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode. And we’re looking forward to the following episodes this month that will continue to focus on additional elements related to love. Alright, we’ll

Rosanna 36:33
Alright we’ll see you guys soon. Bye. Bye, everybody.

 

Rosanna 1:35
Hello, and welcome to season three of the relentless pursuit podcast.

Jordan 1:38
Hello, welcome. Glad to have you back with us. First, before we get into today’s episode, and really into season three, specifically, we wanted to rewind a tiny bit back to our last episode at the end of season two, which was season two, Episode 12 “Hello, 2021.” And that’s where we both took a few minutes to share some of our vision for this upcoming year. One of those specific pieces was we wanted to be more generous and more charitable this year compared to years past. So one of the things that we’ve begun doing is setting just a monthly goal. Every month, we’re going to select a different charity that we believe in and can get behind. And you’re going to be contributing to that. And as part of our accountability for it, as well as I hope a tiny bit of maybe an example to our listeners, as well as that we’re going to be posting on our website each month, which specific charity we have decided to contribute to. So if you go to therelentlesspursuitpodcast.com, you’ll be able to see on our homepage, which charity we’re contributing to, at any given month. And hopefully, if you like that charity, then you can click on the link and add your own contribution. Or maybe there’s something more specific that you have in mind. And then we encourage you to go and to do that this year along with us in whatever way suits you best.

Rosanna 3:05
Alright, so now that we’re in season three, well into the new year, you know, taking January off and getting started, we thought that season three needed a little bit of an introduction to kind of explain kind of where we’re going with these next 12 episodes. So, you know, just based on everything that’s been happening, you know, in a world filled with uncertainty, trauma, hostility and fear, we specifically are choosing to focus on love in its many forms. So from romantic love to brotherly love and even a more altruistic love, you know, talking about charity and generosity. And although there’s no right or wrong way to love, there’s a beautiful fullness when your life has multiple layers of all three of these types. And the more I thought about that, the more I was reminded about this reading that most people have read when they get married, and it’s this: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” And if you think about those words, I feel like love in all of its forms will allow us will allow you to relentlessly pursue a life worth living a life of positivity, of action of kindness, one of generosity, one of purpose and one of meaning. Even in the interviews we have coming up this season, we have couples who are living what they love, and it’s not only transforming their lives, it’s transforming communities of others around them. And like let me tell you, I’m super inspired by it. And I’m really excited about what what we’ve got this season.

Jordan 4:48
Yeah, so all of you will hear the regular variety of episodes and topics in season three over the course of the next 12 episodes, but you’ll be able to kind of course this this theme of love that is an interwoven within each of those conversations.

Rosanna 5:07
Yeah. And we’re calling February specifically, what are we calling it?

Jordan 5:10
So February, in particular, we’re going to call love month on the podcast here, for lack of a more creative title, I suppose. But instead of just making this a theme, for season three, we wanted a February in particular, and I think because Valentine’s Day is right in the heart of it, but we’re going to really focus every day on the concept of love and all of its manifestations. So you will hear conversations on the podcast in the month of February that are all centered specifically on different attributes of love. But you can also check out our social media and our website, and you’ll see some daily tips and some blog posts and some other things that hopefully will inspire you and get you thinking more about this concept as well.

Rosanna 6:55
Alright, so let’s dive in to season three, Episode One, “You’re My Person.”

Jordan 7:00
You’re my person. It’s a cute phrase.

Rosanna 7:02
It is a cute phrase,

Jordan 7:03
Good episode, title and topic.

Rosanna 7:05
So do you want to know where this term originated? So, over a decade ago, probably close to 15 years ago, Grey’s Anatomy was a top show. I mean, it’s still playing now, if you’re still a watcher. But this term kind of was coined in an episode where best friends Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey are together, Christina is going through this, like, difficult time in her life. And she explains a situation and then says, “I’m telling you this because you’re my person.” And then that phrase has been kind of coined and used, I have a coffee mug here, that someone gave me that says, “You’re my person,” it’s been hashtagged. And all over social media, you

Jordan 7:51
I wouldn’t say they came up with it. I mean, it’s not so original, but it was popularized perhaps.

Rosanna 7:57
But it was, you know, like, you know, bestie, you know, whatever. And then it was like my person. And so it they say that, in articles I’ve read about this, and even kind of pointing to Grey’s Anatomy, they said the term emerged right, as it was becoming clear that millennials would be delaying marriage while investing in their friendships and their careers, until there is a life partner in the picture. Or even if there is never one, we need a word for the people who show up for us. And so that’s kind of what the episode is about today. Those people in our lives that are a person that show up for us that love us unconditionally.

Jordan 8:31
Right. So I feel like this is a nice phrase, because there’s there’s a little bit more heart and sentiment embedded in it that is difficult to articulate. So we’re going to give our shot in trying to articulate what we each individually mean. And we actually wrote down our own definition and attempting to articulate what we mean by this. So you want to go first, or let me go first?

Rosanna 8:55
Why don’t you start?

Jordan 8:56
Okay. I spend some time on this. Because when I think about that phrase, like you are my person, I think of you specifically so I wrote this with you specifically in mind. I don’t think it ha – and we’ll talk more about like, what, it doesn’t have to mean a spouse in particular, but for me it does. So I’m going to try not to get emotional as I feel it like welling up a little bit. So I apologize in advance if there is a tearful pause. But let me give you my shot. Okay, you’re my person. In the vast swirling chaos of an uncaring universe, you see me and I see you. You are my hands to hold your the arm around my shoulder. You are my number one. You are the one I celebrate. You are the one I am with. You are the one who knows me. You are the one I can look at and not utter a word and be fully understood. You are the one who knows my faults and darknesses and embraces me all the same. You’re the one I trust, I lean on. Your recognition of me is my nourishment. It sustains me and I never need to doubt it. No matter the abundance or lack, the victories or shortcomings, the challenges, pains, endeavor, the distances, the joys, the failures, virtues, the losses, and every experience life offers, you are with me. Without you, I am half an expression, a lost in comprehensible utterance soon forgotten. And all of this you give me, I give just the same to you. You’re my person.

Rosanna 10:44
I wish you would have prepared me for that. Because that was way more intense than I ever expected a definition for the podcast. So thank you.

Jordan 10:55
Alright, so there we go.

Rosanna 10:57
There you go. There’s me crying on the podcast. Here we are. I have no words. Yeah. A minute. All right.

So we said that we would share a definition with our audience. That is the most beautiful love song poem I’ve I’ve ever heard. I have a definition. It is a definition that was not specific to you. It was just more to our audience. So I hope you’re not let down by mine after that. No, you should have had me go first.

Jordan 11:36
No, I but I really I mean, this is like this is really like what we’re trying to focus on. It’s like the the heart and it’s so difficult to, I think really capture with with language and with expression like what we mean by this. And so I tried to be a little bit more artistic, you know, with that, because it is an intense feeling that I have for you. And I wanted to do my best to try to express that here.

Rosanna 11:59
Well, and over the last couple years, you know, you have made it a point to tell me that I am your person, and you have friends and you have people in your life that are important to you. And you said but Rosanna, you are my person. And so just to hear how deeply and how perfectly you wrote that is, is beautiful. And so like all I can say is thank you. You’re welcome. How’s that for love month,

Jordan 12:23
guys? All right, all right. All right, so let’s explore this a little bit more, you have your definition too.

Rosanna 12:28
Yes, more of like a technical definition, functional is a much more functional definition that can be applied in any scenario.

Jordan 12:34
You need the heart and you need the head and nothing.

Rosanna 12:38
So now I’m just embarrassed, but here we go. You’re my person, they are your champion, they advocate for you, they cheer you on, accept you for who you are. And they can deliver tough love. They love you, not only because of your shortcomings, but despite them. And then I just like pulled that out a little further that your person does not have to be defined by blood or law. So it can be anyone from a best friend or a parent or a significant other. So it could be someone that you’re related to or married to. But it doesn’t have to be because not everybody is in a romantic relationship or in a partnership or in a marriage like that. And your person can be constant, like you could have had the same person for forever, or it can change whereas you know, you’re 30 years old, you move you relocate, you connect to someone, and that person from then on becomes your person that maybe they weren’t always there, they weren’t always in the picture or someone leaves you. And then someone else, you know, unknowingly fills the gap and becomes your person. I don’t think it’s always some someone you can pick or choose. Sometimes it just happens.

Jordan 13:45
Okay. Alright, so to explore this a little bit more, and maybe to like, just like define this to ourselves. Maybe this is obviously want to meditate on like this month in particular. So we have our questions and our conversation to get into that. I think you your definition is great, because it addresses I think some of the little nuances of this that I was wanting to explore with you. So are you ready for some q&a?

Rosanna 14:12
Yeah, I think I’d like to start though, if that’s okay.

Jordan 14:14
Absolutely.

Rosanna 14:15
Maybe because I’m afraid of what you might follow up with.

Jordan 14:19
My questions are not nearly as interesting as the definition.

Rosanna 14:23
Okay, so my first question kind of starts with the statement, I think the term my person really needs to be equated with vulnerability. So my question is, like, Who are we most vulnerable with? Or who are you most vulnerable with? You know, who do we open up to about the real and the raw stuff? And I think that can give us an inclination of who our person is.

Jordan 14:47
You know, you know, what image came to mind when you were saying that was like, let’s say you’re, you’re in a group, even like a group of friends or people that you know, but once let’s say certain people leave the room, like what then do you is like really on your mind that you can say who’s left in the room when you can be like, okay, here’s what I’m really thinking. Because I think of this at work sometimes where I’m in meetings all the time. But then like, after the meeting, there might be like one or two particular people that I’ll seek out, right, here’s, here’s kind of like, what I’m what I’m really like thinking in regards to this. And, you know, I think about that with you, in particular, like, no matter, no matter what my thought is, no matter how inane or just like, ridiculous, it it, like, I can verbalize that and have someone hear it. And I think that’s the important part about having a person is like, we all have thoughts, we can all say them out loud, but having someone hear it and understand and acknowledge it, is that piece that is so fulfilling.

Rosanna 15:48
Well, you know, just yeah, I mean, there’s this whole, this whole idea of vulnerability, you know, Brene Brown has written a book on it, like, more people are talking about being vulnerable, after years of like, hiding things that, you know, that they are afraid of, or that they are have shame or guilt for. And like, who do you trust with those things? And so, you know, it’s, for a lot of people, that’s really hard. And so you and I have shared things with each other, you know, we’ve known each other a long time. So it’s not like there’s all of these secrets. But it’s just your feelings. You know, there’s there’s things that you go through or things that you struggle with, and to be heard is, is really important.

Jordan 16:27
Right. And so I think that’s the important part is it’s not just, it’s not just what you’re expressing, but it’s also the way that it’s received as well. So I could say the same thought to multiple different people, but the way that it’s recognized is what might make someone my person versus not.

Rosanna 16:48
Do you have anything else you want to say on that?

Jordan 16:52
Not specifically? I mean, I think we’ll come back to that. I have a few questions that I think we’ll, we’ll get to that.

Rosanna 16:58
You know, actually, sorry…

Jordan 17:00
You have more – go ahead.

Rosanna 17:01
Well, because I’m looking at the second question under that. And when you said like, there’s a roomful of people. And then like, once some of those people, like, you know, when some people leave, like, who’s kind of left, and who are you going to share that more intimate thing. And it just reminded me of this story, we have a lot of different friends from a lot of different parts in our lives. And I think that’s the interesting thing as you get older, like we have friends from when we were kids, or in high school, then you have your college friends and you have like, your friends from your career and, and then once you have kids, then you have like the the parent friends of your of your kids, you know, that you can, so you kind of start picking up all of these people. And so I was thinking about it, like it, you know, there’s like, like a little small core. And then there’s kind of rings that stem outside of it. And so then you have your people, like, these are my people. And then this is my person. And I was always jealous of like, there seem to be people who have like clans of people like that, like when they get together, you know, there’s like eight of them, or 12 of them are like different people have like these, like little tribes. Yeah. And I was never really like that I was like, always close to like a person or two, or even just one. And, you know, now, within the last year, I realized, like, I’ve started to have like these different circles, you know, from different areas. And someone that’s like, in one of the circles, she was going through something, she lost a job. And I showed up and I think I had like a plant and a card for her. And I said, like, you know, if you need anything, we’re here for you. I know that you have your people. But you know, I’m here just in case and she said something that was very beautiful. And she said, You know Rosina, you are one of my people. And I guess I never thought of myself as that because she has so many friends and so many people that surround her and love her. So even just to be considered in the group of someone’s people is important. And so it’s not that just that person is important. We have this, this other group of people that are still important, and that you can have multiple people. And that you could still be my person. And they’re not any less important.

Jordan 19:08
So would you say that? What does everybody need a person?

Rosanna 19:15
You know what I’m going to say? Yeah. Because you can have people but if you’re guarded around them, if you don’t have someone that you really can lean on, I think I think it’s tough. It can be tough.

Jordan 19:29
And it can be so mean Yeah, you can get along without someone who super but it I mean life is so much more meaningful when you are like seen and recognized and understood by some other counterpart. Yeah. Does it have to be a spouse?

Rosanna 19:45
I don’t think it has to be a spouse. I think we are I won’t I won’t say lucky. I you know we are. I counted one of my greatest blessings that you are my person because you know, everyone’s relationship is different. Everyone’s marriage is different, people are wired differently and need certain things. If I couldn’t be who I really am in front of you, or couldn’t feel vulnerable with being who I am, I think that would change our marriage, I think I would change our relationship, we would change our family. And I am just like a more, I like to talk about how I’m feeling. And so I need that from you. And so I think it would be hard for me not to have it for you. But I do recognize that it’s not always a spouse.

Jordan 20:26
Yeah. So if you but if a person is married, like, wouldn’t you say like, they’re, I mean, that’s kind of what marriage is, like, it’s kind of this, this formal commitment to saying, like, we are now each other’s people?

Rosanna 20:40
I think so. But for some, that takes time, though –

Jordan 20:44
Maybe in certain ways, too. Because I mean, I think about maybe like a day to day basis, you know, sometimes spouses can be at odds or just kind of doing their own thing in a certain way. But then when, when it really counts, like, I’m thinking of a particular couple, and one of their parents passed, and you know, they weren’t known for their, like, outward affection, you know, but at that time, it’s like, you know, like, I’m your person, I’m going to support you, through this. Yeah. So so maybe, like, it’s not. So I think you can differentiate between, like, there’s this this day to day, you know, kind of recognition by some other person, but also, when you really need somebody, then I think that is equally important.

Rosanna 21:38
Well, and, you know, I would say that you’re my person. Okay. And I would say 99 times out of 100, it’s you that I’m going to go to, but there I also feel like there’s this like male female differential, like, sometimes I am speaking in this, like, something only a woman would understand, I hear you –

Jordan 21:57
I hear you logically understand what it is, you’re so right, yet at the same time, it makes no sense.

Rosanna 22:01
Correct. So, you know, although you are my person, that’s why I think like, you can have more than one person I guess. Because I think for like a man, right, there’s, there’s just all of these things in marriage that are that are hard, and that are good. But sometimes you need like, a friend’s perspective, like, that’s one step outside of your marriage, to like, support you and lift you up and build you and talk you through it and give you some of that advice. And so like, you know, sometimes, you know, my mom is my person, and sometimes I have a girlfriend that is my person. And, and so there are different people you have to go to for different reasons. But not everybody is my person. I have people, plenty of people that I love, and you know, that support me. But there are plenty of people that don’t know, my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, and you know, the things I’m dealing with, and they’re not meant to, and that’s okay.

Jordan 22:52
So I mean, so it’s almost like to your advantage of like maybe multiple people in your life, who you would call like my person, but just because of who they are, and the experiences and perspectives they bring to the relationship, they might kind of fulfill different roles. No, no, two persons are the same.

Rosanna 23:12
Yeah, I think in the time that we live now we wear many hats. And we’re not we’re not just this one person. And so to have like, the support and love and understanding of multiple different people can help you wear those many hats and be those people.

Jordan 23:29
Yeah. What else you got?

Rosanna 23:31
Did you ask a question? Okay, how about this does or should your person complete you?

Jordan 23:44
No, maybe I don’t I don’t know if I totally understand that phrase, like, well enough to say yes or no, I feel like you I don’t know. I mean, in my definition of, of my person, I said “Without you I’m half an expression.” So I feel like so maybe I’m a complete individual on my own. But I am amplified and you know, made better made into something more with you in my life than what I could have achieved independently.

Rosanna 24:24
Yeah, I like that. So this is you know, gosh, we’ve been together forever – when I was 15 I thought you were supposed to like you know, you are the end all be all right? You are going to fix every problem I ever had or like because you loved me life would be smooth sailing, you know, just like this picture of like, Oh, you complete me. Now everything is fine. And like as you grow older and you mature like you realize like if I’m if I’m not happy with myself, or if I’m not pursuing what I love, even if you love me, that’s it’s not going to be enough. Like, on your own. You have to be strong. You have to know what you want you need to chase your goals. And the fact that you are beside me cheering me on only makes me better, stronger and not complete, but it amplifies who I am and what I want. And so I think it’s kind of like in the context of your my person and like marriage myths, like we think this other person is going to complete us. And I don’t think that’s the case. It’s like your person is there to help amplify who you are. They’re not going to, you know, solve all your problems.

Jordan 25:29
Exactly. So and I think we’ll, we’ll talk about a few myths in a little bit I do have actually, I don’t have a question, but I have a word, I want to throw this word out to you. Okay. And I’d like for you to just respond to it. The word is redamancy.

Rosanna 25:43
Redamancy. I brought this word up to you, gosh, how long ago?

Jordan 25:48
Maybe 10 years ago.

Rosanna 25:49
Okay. And what is the definition of redamancy? For those who don’t know?

Jordan 25:52
Right? So redamancy is a word that is it’s a real word, but it is no longer really in use. We’d like to bring it back into style actually. here we go. So the definition of redamancy is to be loved by the one you love. Okay, so it’s this reciprocation of love. So if you love someone, redamancy, is that person loving you back.

Rosanna 26:12
Okay. And so what does that have to do with our conversation today? How do you see that fitting?

Jordan 26:16
Can, can this idea of You’re my person, can that be one sided? Like, can you be – Can you have someone who you would say, You’re my person, but that person would not say, Yeah, you’re my person back?

Rosanna 26:33
Oh, I don’t know.

Jordan 26:35
Right? What if you are my person? And you’re like, Yeah, that’s great. I’ll be your person. But you’re not mine.

Rosanna 26:41
You know, what? Um, gosh, that’s a really, I think that’s a hard question. It makes me think of this story. I shared it with you earlier today, as we were kind of just prepping. And it was someone went to a funeral. It was the funeral of her, one of her good friends, mothers, and nine people eulogized her. And all nine of those people would have said that she was their best friend. And so those other people didn’t, they weren’t all like nine of them weren’t all best friends. It was she was this one person that was and they talked about, like how loving and kind she was, and she was this person for all of these people. But no one expected them expected her to say like, well, you’re, you know, you’re my best friend. Like that you can have multiple people count on you and rely on you. But that should not whatever they call you should not be determined not should not determine the relationship basically.

Jordan 27:42
Right. So and then just think about that, because I think the the most common way like this might come up is that like, we feel like people are one another’s person, there’s this symbiosis to it to this kind of interdependency. And this this reliance on the other that makes that relationship so strong, but when we have multiple people in our lives, then like I said, before, each person might play like a slightly different role, that independently has a melody that when added together creates the symphony of your life.

Rosanna 28:16
And that’s, I think that’s a beautiful thought. And that might not be the case for everybody. But I think there are unique individuals just because of like, who they are and how they’re built and how they relate to people like they people are drawn to them. And, you know, people, you know, like, find solace in them and support and comfort and like Bravo to whoever that person is. But I don’t think that should diminish anything. If it’s not, you know, they’re not titled or it’s not exactly reciprocated, it doesn’t mean that there’s not love there, there’s not friendship, or there’s not understanding. It should really shouldn’t matter who calls who, what, or when or how.

Jordan 28:54
I will say unequivocally that Rosanna Catapano, you are my person.

Rosanna 29:00
Thanks babe. You’re also my person. And I’m not just saying that because and, you know, we’ve had that conversation before. But it doesn’t mean that like, some of the friendships I have with my girlfriend’s or my mom…

Jordan 29:13
My mom, right, those aren’t diminished.

Rosanna 29:15
Those are not diminished. But you know, you and I have a different set of intimacy and vulnerability that I do not have with them. You know, like the birth of our four children.

Jordan 29:24
We’ve got something special going on.

Rosanna 29:25
We’ve got something special going on.

Jordan 29:27
Alright, so I couldn’t want to transition and unless you have other questions that you wanted to look at.

Rosanna 29:35
I have like, two questions that I think I just want to get to really briefly can your person change?

Jordan 29:40
Yes.

Rosanna 29:41
Okay. And why do you think that is?

Jordan 29:43
Because you change, life changes. I mean, the people who were by person in high school, or in college are you know that those relationships change and sometimes you just even physically move away, and you meet new people who may be better represented. Who you are at that time.

Rosanna 30:02
So life is filled with change. And so therefore, sometimes your person changed depends on the situation.

Jordan 30:07
But I would also say like, especially in marriage, like you, I mean, you’re married, like you are committed for life to being that other person’s person. So you can’t expect your spouse to stay the same the whole time. And you kind of need to, like change and appreciate and, you know, aspire to be their person, no matter what, like phase of life or age or you are.

Rosanna 30:30
Oh I would agree, we are not the same people we were when we got married 15 years ago, or when we started dating 20 years ago. But changing together and acknowledging someone’s change, like it’s, it’s a slow progression. And so you have to kind of learn, learn to learn the other person as they they change. Last one, will you and your person always agree, will it always be smooth sailing? No. You mean?

Jordan 30:54
Someone who is you don’t want a person who’s just like that, that yes, man, or Yes, woman in your life, too. So it’s helpful to have someone who can speak truth in a way that still like affirms rather than rather than like, injures the relationship.

Rosanna 31:11
Okay. All right. So where do we go from here?

Jordan 31:14
Alright, so speaking specifically about marriage, I know that you’ve listed a few marriage myths and brought up one or two of those already. But I think, in particular, when we think of like my person, and, you know, we’ve talked about how the spouse really plays a significant if maybe not the most significant role as our person in our lives. But there may be some false expectations that go along with that, too. So you’ve prepared a few myths, we will read all of them, maybe we don’t have to talk about all of them. But maybe see if you are I have fallen prey to any of these myths, or at least maybe talk about others that we have seen in some way or another.

Rosanna 31:56
Okay, so the first one, happy couples do everything together, or even you and your person do everything together, you and your best friend do everything together. That is a myth. Right? Like, we live together, we have a family together, we have children together, we have different careers, we don’t do that together. Even sometimes when we go out socially, it’s not together, you’ll go out with a guy or guys, I’ll go out with a girl or girls or just an event. Like, we don’t do everything together. And having shared experiences is great. But having different experiences different lives is important. Because then you bring something special, that together and you’re teaching each other and you’re learning together and you have something to talk about. So I think that’s, you know, could be a myth like, Oh, this person’s not my person, because we don’t do everything together. Well, in reality, you can’t and it’s not good.

Jordan 32:47
Right, and it’s probably better off not that way. All right, why don’t you read through the list and then we can pick a couple.

Rosanna 32:53
Okay. Marriage solves all of your problems. Good healthy – Can I go through the list?

Jordan 33:00
I feel like it makes as many problems as – Yeah, sorry.

Rosanna 33:04
Good. Healthy marriages come naturally. Never go to bed angry. Healthy marriages are conflict free, your spouse completes you. Marriage is always equal. Your partner will automatically know what to say and do to make you happy. having kids brings you closer. And therapy is for fixing broken marriages.

Jordan 33:26
I want to ask about one so maybe the fourth one I think, never go to bed angry. Why is that a myth?

Rosanna 33:32
I was reading on that. And like, you know, that’s, that’s like something people always say like when you’re getting married, like never go to bed angry or whatever. Because you should always like resolve and rectify the situation like immediately, and you shouldn’t have animosity when you go to sleep so that when you wake up, it’s a fresh start. Some people will say, if you’re mad, like, you can tell someone I’m upset with you about this, and I still love you. But like, sometimes you can’t just make it go away. And so acknowledging that like, I’m still upset about this, like, I’m gonna work through this or like, this is how you disappointed me like, I love you. But I’m a little mad right now. Like so, not expecting that you can just say like, clean slate. It’s over. Because sometimes you hold on to it for a little longer than that.

Jordan 34:15
Yeah. I mean, I have gone to sleep angry. But I think in general, it’s, I mean, it still seems wise. Like if if it is resolvable or addressable, like don’t put it off. So I don’t know that. So that one seems a little bit more nuanced to me. But yeah, I mean, I sense so I that could potentially be a myth. There’s another one. I don’t know if it’s the sixth or seventh one that had let me see your list.

So the other one I want to bring up is the the 10th. One, the last one that you listed, it says therapy is for fixing broken marriages. And that’s I mean, that’s true. It you know, if there’s a problem, and you kind of bring in the professional to help fix what is broken. But why Why is that a myth? Like what else is there to it?

Rosanna 37:28
Well, I think, you know, therapy has a stigma. And so people use that as like a last resort. And so, you know, we had talked to Kasey Lloyd in season two, and she is a positive psychologist. And she said, instead of like, waiting until you’re at the point where you need to be in therapy to fix something, you can, you know, use a professional to, like, take you from good to great that you don’t have to wait until something’s broken, like things between us are good, but could talking to somebody else about our relationship and the goals we have for it, like, help us become stronger or better figure out a better way to do things. Sometimes we don’t we don’t think in those terms.

Jordan 38:09
Great. Any on here that stood out to you?

Rosanna 38:21
Happy? Well, no, I think, you know, we’ve really talked about a lot of those. So I think it’s just good to remember whether your person is your spouse, or whether your person is a girlfriend or a guy friend or a parent or a sibling, like you can apply some of those same myths to the relationship. You know, that although this person is special, important to you, they understand you you’re vulnerable, they’re not always going to say and do the right thing. You’re not going to do everything together. And, you know, relationships will ebb and flow, but that person’s love and respect for you. And the fact that they will listen and acknowledge where you’re at is the important thing. You know, you’re not going to be holding hands all the time.

Jordan 39:01
Right. Alright, so, just in terms of takeaways, and kind of our hopefully our last words of inspiration to all of you listening, are that, you know, we sincerely hope that you do have a person and especially this month, during love month, we hope that you can really focus on the love and sincerity that you have for those really special people in your life. And really think through what makes them stand out what makes them your person. And if there’s a way to express that or just show your gratitude for the role in their life in your life that they play, then this might be a great month, a great time this year to really express that.

Rosanna 39:43
Yeah, you know, it’s Today is February 3, and so that gives you an opportunity to use February as a time to kind of think and so whether you’re writing your friend Valentine or a galintine for Galentine’s Day or just doing something during this month, it’s a good time to like reflect And to think about those people you love and let them know.

Jordan 40:03
Absolutely. All right. Well, thank you for joining us and helping us kick off season three. And we’re looking forward to sharing a lot more specifically about some other attributes of love and some other exciting things that we have coming to you this season.

Rosanna 40:17
Yeah, see you next week.

Jordan 40:18
Bye, everybody.