We take dinner time very seriously around here. I’ve definitely got my parents to thank for that. When I look back at my childhood, family dinners are still some of my most vivid memories.

When Jordan and I started dating, he got to join in too. We’d sit and eat and talk about our day, and eat, and talk some more, and then when we were done, we’d end the meal with seasonal fresh fruit and some nuts too. And then maybe a little espresso. Meal time was a very sacred time in our family. No one rushed away from the table to play with friends or to watch tv. It’s just how it always was.

After Jordan and I were married, dinner remained just as important to the two of us. We’d come home from work, and we’d cook dinner and sit and eat together in our townhouse. We could have just as easily eaten sandwiches or cereal, or grabbed take out, but we genuinely looked forward to this time together. I hadn’t really realized that what my parents chose for their family was a behavior that I valued so highly that I would carry on to mine.

We were married for almost four years before we had our first child, Jac, but not even his arrival broke our daily dinner time ritual. I often bounced my precious boy on my hip despite being a weary first-time mom because to me, it was important for us to come together around the table.

Maintaining our Gather Ritual

So here we are, children now out-numbering parents four to two, and we persist with our evening gathering around the table. Although there is frequent moaning and groaning about zucchini or chicken, we value this gathering because we put away our devices, look each other in the eyes, and we talk to each other. As my husband tells our kids, “Dinner is for eating and talking about your day.”

Of course not every meal is picture perfect. Honestly, it’s getting more and more enticing to throw in the towel and throw my hands up when I’ve kids who can’t seem to stomach anything I make, or who are so exuberant that sitting still is a challenge and dinner becomes one giant shouting match with the occasional dance break and melt-down.

Did you know that regular family meal time is the greatest predictor of improved achievement — more than studying, sports or other school activities? And, a study of preschoolers found that mealtime conversations with children helped to build vocabulary more effectively than even listening to stories or reading aloud. This isn’t, of course, why we do it, but there are many benefits that come from the way we gather as a family.

What’s Your “Gather”?

Now listen, I’m not trying to guilt you in to cooking seven nights a week. I happen to love cooking, but I know not everyone does. This is just what works for us.

If there’s something I want you to take away, it’s this: sit down all together as often as you can in an intentional manner. Feelings of trust tend to be built in small moments such as when we are there for one another, listen to one another, and when we prioritize our relationships with each other over other people and things.

What if your morning routines allow for family time? What about talking over pancakes or pop tarts? Or maybe something completely different is better for you. The goal is to consider any way that you can sit together and talk without interruption or distraction. Keep those phones and other devices away!

So what’s your “gather”? What rituals of attention, peace, and togetherness do you make room for?

Receiving and Passing

This isn’t just for our own family dinner time. When people come in to our home, they know they will be fed, they will be seated around a table to listen, to share, to laugh, to be, and they will engage in a conversation with us. It’s just a part of who we are and what we do. And you know what? I love that about us!

Even our kids know that about us and about themselves. I’ve watched them offer food and beverages to guests, usher them over to the table to be a part of who we are, and then sit down and start conversations with people of all ages as they take turns listening and speaking from the heart. It’s a beautiful thing to witness.

For our family, sharing a meal and setting a consistent time each day to come together is one of the most important things we do. I received this ritual from my parents, and gladly pass it along t my children as they watch us facilitate this gathering.

What are some of your family’s habits and routines? How do you make sure you find time to speak and listen to your spouse and kids daily?