“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning, that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.”
-Frank Sinatra
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year… where do you turn?
For much of 2020, a lot of us joked that “any time was a good time for a drink.” It was 5 o’clock somewhere, right? COVID-19, sheltering in place, kids at home remote learning, and all the rest had many of us more worried about stocking up on our White Claw than on toilet paper.
I had three kids e-learning at home, an almost two year old who had for some unexplainable reason given up taking a nap, a husband working from home, and the business I had worked hard to build suddenly started deflating like a sad little mylar balloon. There was nowhere to go, nothing to do and there were no rules on how to handle it all. So, I did what I have always done, put on my invisible Super Mom cape, smiled, and made the best of what I was given. But it was hard.
At some point, as the weather got warmer, Jordan and I instituted 5 o’clock happy hours while the kids played outside and we sat on the deck and commiserated, dreamed, and wished away the current situation. Never drinking to excess, but just enough to maybe numb the reality of what we were living. It felt like our five o’clock happy hour was the prize for crossing the finish line of each day.
New Normal, On the Rocks
The more I talked with others, it wasn’t hard to see that it was the new normal for everyone. Meeting on FaceTime or Zoom to chat with friends was always accompanied with a glass of wine. Sitting across the driveway from neighbors in the summer meant we were doing so with a White Claw in hand.
So, why had it become the new normal? One word, accessibility. Alcohol is everywhere you look. It’s in advertisements, movies and tv shows, bars and restaurants, at parties, concerts, work events, and even movie theatres. People drink at home, on weekends, in the evenings after work, at bbqs, celebrations, and at a variety of other places, and for a variety of other reasons. New car? Cheers! Watching Bridgerton? Clink! Talking with a friend? Sip!
Just like anything else, having a drink isn’t bad in and of itself. It’s not illegal to drink, to celebrate, to sip, or to enjoy. But sometimes we have to stop and reassess.
We Reassessed. Then Decided to Try Dry.
One of our New Year’s resolutions that we discussed in Season 2: Episode 12 was that Jordan and I wanted to engage in some friendly 30-day challenges that would help us be more in tune with our habits – the ones we need to strengthen and the ones we needed to break. And doing it together would play into our friendly, yet competitive edge.
If you’re asking why we would choose to face the world without a sip of wine, beer or spirits for a month, (especially during the coldest, darkest, dreariest time of the year) there were some compelling reasons we started with Dry January.
Although we both wanted to engage in this challenge, we had different motives. Jordan wanted to see how he felt if he cut it out of his routine. He hadn’t been sleeping great (or had been falling asleep too much) and wanted to see if by cutting out alcohol, what impact, if any, it would have. And, because he’s an overachiever, he also cut out sweets for 30 days as well as caffeine/coffee after lunch time. I on the other hand didn’t feel the need to cut out all three. (You can read about his thinking here in The Joy of the Experiment).
For me, it was more about NOT using alcohol as an excuse for when things got hard, or as a reward to celebrate the good. Because whether I had a good day or a hard one, there was always a reason to pour a glass. Hard day being a mom? Celebrate booking another wedding client? Cheers. It was too automatic. It became a habit.
Habits are powerful. They can emerge with/without our consciousness. And that’s actually a scary thought. But, as James Clear taught me in his book Atomic Habits, the good news is that habits can be ignored, changed, or replaced.
When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. Simply understanding how habits work makes them much easier to control. By learning to observe the cues and rewards, we can change the routines.
So, here I am 30 days in, and one left to go (but who’s counting!?), and here is what I have found:
- Shifting off Auto-Pilot. Having a glass of wine with dinner, or a drink while I cooked dinner had become a habit – part of my routine. It was just what I had done because it was what I had been doing. Had I not made a decision not to, I would have just continued. And that is true with many things. Sometimes automating habits and routines are good. I have a great morning routine that is automatic. But what happens when we automate habits that aren’t good for us?
- Making a Commitment. Making a commitment to something is valuable. The commitment doesn’t end with the decision, it starts with the decision. When you are committed to something you begin to find the beauty in the journey, even if it’s not right away. Were there points when we could have made an excuse and indulged? Of course. We went to dinner (in an outdoor igloo in January…brr!) to celebrate Jordan’s birthday and it would have been nice to have a glass of wine with my meal. But, you know what? We enjoyed dinner without it.
- Seeking Healthier Alternatives. Sometimes ending one habit makes room for adding another. I’ve found myself taking time to sit in the quiet with a cup of tea each afternoon to refresh me and sustain me during the witching hours and madness that occurs from 4-9pm. And to add some more zen, I’ve found myself taking PM yoga classes at the gym or doing one at home in the evening. Even fresh air – albeit freezing cold fresh air – while walking Stella helps ease the tension and stress of the day and (bonus!) helps me with my daily movement goals.
- Moving Out of Comfort Zones. There are times when you may think that the challenges of fulfilling your commitments aren’t worth the hassle or the effort that is required. But we must remember that growth requires moving outside our comfort zones. It’s easy to grab a drink, but it takes more intention to be mindful about your behaviors, feelings, and actions. It requires work and effort, at least at first.
- Having Accountability. Having Jordan do it with me and holding me accountable has been great. I am pretty sure without him, I might have just said, “oh screw it!” It’s good to have a partner to check in on you, ask you how you’re doing, give you a pep talk, or even commiserate as needed.
I’ll leave you with this today. You don’t have to have a “problem” with something to make an intentional and impactful change to your health, wellness, or well-being.
What would it look like in your life if you were mindful about some of your habits, thought patterns, defaults, and routines? Can you think of any that might need to be tweaked or that might help you find better clarity, understanding, peace, or just feel better? What practices can you add? Which ones should you take away, even just for 30 days? After all, It’s just 30 days.
Here’s a list of some ideas for 2021:
- 30 days of yoga
- 30 days of Whole 30
- 30 days of green smoothies
- 30 days of clearing clutter
- 30 days of meditations
- 30 days of creating
- 30 days of exercise
- 30 days of promoting your business
- 30 days of riding your bike to work
- 30 days of no sugar
- 30 days of family dinners
- 30 days of running/walking
- 30 days of reading
- 30 days of spring cleaning
- 30 days of 10,000 steps
- 30 days of no soda (or is it pop?)
- 30 days of no shopping
- 30 days of writing
- 30 days of no caffeine
- 30 days of drinking a gallon of water
- 30 days of gratitude
- 30 days of journaling
- 30 days of random acts of kindness
- 30 days of no social media
- 30 days of no tv
Let us know which experiments YOU are trying! Leave a comment below and tell us how it’s going and what you’ve learned.